She
by GemmaH
Summary: She comes, she goes. She takes, she drains. Stealing a piece of me every time she leaves. Isabella Swan: beautiful, mysterious, intelligent. Total emotional car crash. And she just walked back into my life.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! Long time no see ;). I've tentatively started writing again and I can't begin to tell you how happy that makes me! Time is still short around here, so my offerings will be too so I can try and keep up with regular postings. I've never tried anything like this before so I hope it works!**

**Gemma x**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

**1.**

She's invading my thoughts again as I try desperately to fall asleep. Only five hours and thirteen minutes until my alarm will sound, forcing me out of bed. I panic slightly at the realization. I don't function well without sleep and I have tests in two of my classes tomorrow.

My body's exhausted, but my brain runs at full speed. I haven't seen her in a while, but just the mention of her name slipping lazily and without respect from the guy standing pissing beside me in the boys' bathroom made me want to punch something. Not him; I'm not _that_ guy. Besides, he wasn't even talking to me, which made it worse because his friend also seemed to know her a little too well for my liking.

Isabella Swan: beautiful, mysterious, intelligent. Total emotional car crash.


	2. Chapter 2

**2.**

"You ok, Bro?" Emmett pauses, spoonful of Fruit Loops halfway to his mouth as I enter the kitchen.

"That bad?"I ask, pushing my hand through my hair as I duck down to check my reflection in the glass oven door and shrinking away again when I saw the dark circles below my eyes.

"I heard Izzy was back in town last weekend." He's put two and two together. He knows there's only one thing that keeps me awake at night.

"Really?" I reach for the coffee pot, deliberately keeping my back to him.

"Mike said he saw her at Alec's party. _With _Alec."

Em likes to try and force me to keep it real when it comes to Izzy. He's made it his mission to make sure I hear every sordid detail about her that he comes across. And there are plenty of them.

Picking up the cup I've just filled, I lift it and tip the hot liquid into my mouth, swallowing painfully until it's empty. I slam it down, turn and leave the kitchen without looking at or speaking to my brother again. He knows shit about Izzy Swan. The stories don't even begin to scratch the surface.


	3. Chapter 3

**3**

She wasn't just back for the weekend, it seems. When I get the first glimpse of her angelic face at school as she stalks down the hall in my direction, I anticipate the sleepless nights ahead. I slow, my feet somehow still propelling me forward, despite the fact my brain is currently busy; immersed in everything about _her_.

She hasn't looked in my direction and I think for a moment that she hasn't seen me, but as she passes by, so close her bare arm almost brushes mine, her eyes lift in my direction and she smirks wickedly.

Well fuck you, Izzy Swan.


	4. Chapter 4

**4**

"I searched the whole school for you." Rosalie drops her bag on the picnic table and slides onto the bench opposite me. "No prizes for guessing why you're hiding out here. Did you see her yet?"

"I saw her."

"Did she see you?"

"I'm pretty sure she did."

Rosalie stares at me and I know she's waiting for me to say more, but there's no more to say. She raises her eyebrows, urging me on. The bell rings and I stand quickly, pausing to wait for Rosalie to join me.

"What the fuck are we going to do with you, Edward?" she asks in exasperation as we walk back toward the main school building. I drape my arm around her shoulders; a peace offering to try and appease her.

"I'm a big boy, I can look after myself."

"You can," she agrees. "Usually. But your kryptonite just reappeared, so forgive me for worrying about you."

"Ok," I say, knowing that fighting her loyal side is a losing battle. She winds her arm around my waist and squeezes before she breaks away toward a classroom.

"See you later," she calls. I would reply, but my attention is drawn elsewhere.

~S~

**A/N There will normally only be one update a day, but because this morning's was pretty short I'm adding this one as an extra :)**

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, especially the 'welcome back' messages, I really appreciate them xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**5**

She leans against the wall, half hidden behind the corner. When she knows I've seen her, she flicks her head slightly; a subtle invitation to join her. Does she really think I'm that easy?

I brace myself, but I manage to walk straight past her without stopping. I feel her fingers grazing along the back of my shirt as I pass, but when I look over my shoulder, she has her arms wrapped tightly around her books in front of her chest.

I hate myself for looking back; an automatic response to her touch.

Only she didn't touch me at all.

I despise the disappointment that trickles through with the realization.

She's staring at me, expressionless as I linger there before her, half-turned away still.

I force myself to turn my back on her; to lift my feet and place distance between us. If she says one word of encouragement now, I know I won't be able to keep moving away.

She's silent.

I leave.

~S~


	6. Chapter 6

**6**

"Good day at school, honey?" Mom's smiling pleasantly as she places my plate in front of me. She always asks and I always tell her it was fine. Tonight when she asks, my brain darts back over the day, finishing with the image of Izzy sitting in her car with the engine running, shades hanging from her mouth, as she pulled her hair up and fixed it into a messy bun. She offered no more than a disinterested glance in my direction before she covered her eyes with the shades, pulled out and drove off.

"Edward?" I look up at my mom and she's still smiling expectantly at me.

"Yeah, it was ok."

I hear Emmett snort. He studied me closely each time our paths crossed today. He knows my day was far from fine. Hopefully I managed to focus my mind for long enough to pass my tests, otherwise my mom will know too.

I feign exhaustion after dinner, wanting to escape to my room and be alone. Em raises his eyebrows at me but says nothing. I hope he stays just as silent once I'm out of earshot. Mom doesn't need to know.

~S~


	7. Chapter 7

**7**

I'm in my room with my history assignment spread out on the desk in front of me, when I vaguely register hearing a sound. It's not enough to break my concentration, but when I hear it again, I stand to investigate. I open the shades, which are drawn despite it still being light out, and see Rosalie, arm raised ready to fling another tiny stone at my window. I pull it open and return to my seat as I wait for her to scale the sturdy trellis to my window.

"We do have a door, you know?" I say, smirking as she catches her hoodie on a nail in the frame as she climbs in.

"Shit! How do I still do that every freaking time?" She fusses over a small tear in the fabric, removing it to get a better look.

"If you remember, that's why you said you were never using the window again," I remind her.

"I tried the door, your douchebag brother wouldn't let me in. He said you were sleeping."

I roll my eyes. Emmett knew I wouldn't be asleep this early.

"Hey, Ed…" The door swings open and Em walks in without knocking, proving what I already knew. "What the hell are you doing in here?" he asks, his eyes zeroed in on Rosalie's boobs in her fitted t-shirt.

"They're attached to the rest of me, asshole," she snarks back. "And next time address your questions to me directly, they can't answer for themselves." Emmett's face cracks into a wide smile and his eyes mist over slightly. He has a huge crush on my best friend and her bitchiness just makes it worse.

Rose sits down on my bed and Emmett plants himself right beside her as I turn back to my books.

"I'm assuming you know _she's_ back?" He's adopted a serious tone that I've rarely heard him use.

"Uh-huh. I found him hiding from her at lunch."

"He's fucked. She's back for a day and already he's not sleeping."

"I'm right here, you know?" I slam my pen down in exasperation and turn to face them. "If you want to talk about me, at least do it somewhere where I don't have to listen to it."

"You wanna come to my room?" Emmett asks Rose, his face lights up as no doubt his mind flies through the possible outcomes of his proposition. I smile as I brace myself for what will no doubt be a fantastic put-down from Rosalie. She pauses, glancing at me before she speaks.

"Yeah, ok." She stands up as Emmett and I both sit and look up at her, mouths hanging open in shock.

"What the—" I jump to my feet and stride over to her. "You are not going with him, sit your ass back down there." I grab hold of her arm, firmly but not roughly, and push her back down onto the bed. She looks up at me and pouts, but she says nothing, offering Emmett a shrug of her shoulders. He scowls at me as he stands and makes his way to the door.

"Some other time?" he asks her, a desperate edge to his voice.

"Sure," Rose replies, smiling at him as he pulls the door closed. She looks across at me, her smile fading as she notices my expression.

"What?" she asks.

What can I say?

Who am I to warn her away from people anyway? I never learned from my own lessons.

~S~


	8. Chapter 8

**8**

"Are you avoiding me?"

That voice. My heart leaps and then drops back down, sinking back into the murky depths she created. I don't look up from my books. I thought I was safe in the library, she's never been a regular visitor.

"Yes."

She pulls out the chair across from me and sits down.

"Why?"

"_Really_?" I sit back and look right at her.

She smiles at me, sweet and dangerous.

"Oh, come on. I'm not that bad, Edward."

"You're worse, and I want you to stay away from me."

"You don't mean that." She looks hurt, but I know from experience, the way she looks and the way she feels are often leagues apart. I lean forward and glare at her.

"Yes, I do."

She leans in too.

"Don't do this," she pleads.

I'm on my feet, shoving my stuff haphazardly into my bag.

"I'm not doing anything, Izzy. You did this all by yourself."

~S~


	9. Chapter 9

**9**

A handful of words.

That's all we said to one another, but they keep replaying in my head.

Does she really not realize how things are, or is it a game to try and get me back on her side?

It's impossible to tell anything with her these days.

I subconsciously rub the scar above my right eye. It's the only visible one I have from those times, but the invisible ones mark deeper.

I can't go back there. I promised everyone who picked up the pieces. I promised myself.

A hand wraps around my wrist and pulls it away from my head.

"Don't even think about it."

I look up at my brother. The worry scrawled across his face is like a slap to my own. He's not a worrier; nothing bothers him. And yet…

"I'm not," I protest, looking down, unable to look him in the eye.

"She fucks you over, dude. Every. Single. Time."

I look around, checking we're alone.

"I'm doing my best, Em," I confide.

"And what if your best isn't enough? Because I hate to say it, but I've seen your resolve crumble too many times already."

What can I say?

"If she hurts you again, I'll haul her out of town and back onto a plane to Phoenix myself."

Em stands and strides away, leaving his promise hanging in the air.

~S~


	10. Chapter 10

**10**

"You have to be fucking kidding me."

She's been gone for a whole week, during which my conscience fought a battle between relief and devastation. I never did work out which won. Now I see she's still here, I'm fighting the very same battle for the opposite reason.

"Jasper Whitlock? Ugh. I didn't think she could sink any lower." Rosalie hooks her arm protectively through mine and drags me past them on leaden feet.

I'm feeling like I may actually throw up, when we bump into Emmett, standing at his locker and watching them with undisguised distaste.

"I don't know which one disgusts me more," he growls, loud enough for everyone in the immediate vicinity to turn around and see what he's talking about. Some wrinkle their noses, others laugh between themselves, and a handful turn and look to me for my reaction.

I'm pissed. The reason I'm pissed is because I know Izzy, and I know Whitlock's reputation. Although she makes out like she doesn't give a shit, I happen to know she does. About everything. He's going to chew her up and spit her out and I'm going to have to watch while she puts on a brave face and does a good job of not falling apart in public, while in private she'll be a fucking mess. I'll have to stand by, knowing what a fucking mess she is and not being able to do a fucking thing about it because of my promises to myself and to everyone else that I won't get involved again. I already know it'll fucking kill me, because when she hurts, I hurt. I know she's an excellent actress in front of everybody else, but she won't be able to hide it from me, even if she tries; which she won't. And I know she won't, because she never does.

That's when she needs me the most. It doesn't matter if she's in Phoenix or Forks, I've always been the one she wants when she's down.

I'm not staying to watch her begin her next descent into desperation.

I uncouple myself from Rosalie and leave without a word.

~S~


	11. Chapter 11

**11**

"Are you coming to La Push on Saturday?" Rosalie looks expectantly at me from across the lunch table. I consider it but I'm not sure I'm in the mood for fun. She's already guessed as much.

"Come on, bring a date," she suggests.

"I guess I could ask Kate," I relent.

Kate's more than a friend, but not quite a girlfriend. If either of us needs a date then we'll ask the other, but there's nothing exclusive about our relationship and we're both okay with that. I'm trying to ignore the fact that Izzy's return could make things weird. For me at least.

I wait by her locker after lunch, hoping to catch her before class.

"Hey!" Her face breaks into a wide smile when she sees me, and she leans in to kiss my cheek.

"Do you have plans on Saturday evening?" I ask her, reaching for a strand of her hair and watching as I wind it around my finger. I'm aware of the guilt, sitting heavily in my gut as I realize I've not given her a thought these past few days.

"No, what do you have in mind?"

"La Push. Usual crowd."

"Okay."

"I'll pick you up at seven?"

"Sure."

A locker door slams hard, just down the hall. Kate and I turn to look.

Izzy's aiming a glare right at the both of us.

"I'll see you later," I tell Kate, touching her hand briefly as I move to leave.

"Wait." Kate places herself between Izzy and me. "Now she's back, you have to tell me what happened between you guys. I like you, Edward, but I'm not getting involved in any games." Her voice is low and for my ears only.

A sigh escapes my lips as my shoulders automatically sag.

And so it begins.

"I'm not playing games, I promise. And I'll tell you, but not now. Okay?"

Kate doesn't look happy, but she acquiesces.

"Okay."

"I'll see you later."

~S~


	12. Chapter 12

**_12_**

_Isabella Swan stole my heart when I was fourteen years old. I was sitting on my bike outside the Thriftway, waiting for Emmett, when she walked past me. I'd never taken much notice of girls up to that point, but the moment she looked back over her shoulder and smiled at me, it was like a switch being flicked on._

_If I was scared to approach her, I needn't have been. When she left the store and saw me there, still waiting for my brother, she sauntered over._

"_Hey." _

_This was totally foreign to me. I wasn't one of those guys that ever really hung out with girls. Especially not pretty ones like her. I opened my mouth to reply, but all I could manage was a cracked, "Hi." She giggled, a lovely, bright sound._

"_I'm Izzy."_

"_Edward." _

_She tilted her head and smiled, lighting up her rich, brown eyes. It was the first time ever I actually noticed what color someone else's eyes were. _

"_What are you doing?" She stuck her hands into the back pockets of her jeans, and crossed one leg in front of the other._

"_I'm waiting for my brother, he's taking forever." I craned my neck slightly in the direction of the door. If he saw me talking to a girl I'd never hear the end of it._

"_He's not around this tall…" She held her hand up in the air. "Brown, curly hair, killer dimples and likes hitting on the cashiers? Only I think you could be waiting a while." _

_I curse and roll my eyes. He did this on a regular basis._

"_I don't have anywhere else I have to be, if you want to hang out for a while?"_

_I wasn't used to her forthrightness or how completely relaxed she seemed. There was something about this girl that had me mystified. I thought I knew all the girls in town around my own age; Forks wasn't big enough for strangers, and yet I know I'd have remembered if I'd met her before. _

_At that moment I'm pretty sure I'd have followed her anywhere, if only to find out more about her._

_I stood up and made room for her behind me._

"_Sure, have a seat." I tried to sound as though this was a common occurrence; that maybe I was always riding around with a girl on the back of my bike. She grinned, swung her leg over the saddle and grabbed onto my shoulders. A thrill ran through me as the warmth of her hands reached my skin through my t-shirt as I pushed away, fighting to keep the bike upright, and feeling my confidence grow as I succeeded._

_It was the first time I'd done anything like that; acted so impulsively. By the time I got home hours later, having completely lost track of time, I'd missed dinner. My mom was calling the police station as I walked in through the kitchen door. She didn't know whether to yell at me or hug me, so she did both. _

_It wasn't the last time my relationship with Izzy Swan made my mom cry._

_~S~_


	13. Chapter 13

**13**

I throw my phone down on the bed and rub my face. I'm frustrated. Kate, my easy-going, trouble-free friend with benefits, has been rattled enough to text me with another request to talk.

I consider refusing; telling her to forget everything and walking away, but I respect her too much to be an asshole about something that's not her fault.

Kate arrives a half hour after I reply. Up in my room, she listens carefully while I describe the past that Izzy and I share. The bonds forged in childhood and boundaries set and crossed. Hearts filled with hope and love and then smashed open, usually accidentally but always painfully.

I never wanted anything other than her, but for her, I was never enough . Each time she relaxed her arm's length hold on me and let me in, she'd panic and push me away again, crushing our potential in the arms of someone else.

She'd throw herself in head-first and I'd shake my own head as I overheard all the lines they fed her, watching, my heart thumping in my chest as they'd throw their arm around her shoulder and lead her somewhere quieter. I tried my best, but she'd ignore my warnings until they got what they wanted from her and sent her on her way. Which was generally back to me, with a broken heart and tears rolling down her cheeks.

I was always the one she'd call, racing to get to her and watching helplessly as she fell into my arms and cried for the boys who didn't want or deserve her. Gently I'd wipe the tears from her face, and pray that this time she'd see she didn't need to put herself through this.

I was right here, willing to love her, if only she'd let me.

When Kate asks why I suffered it all, why I didn't just tell her to go to hell, I reply as honestly as I can; I have no idea. There's something about the girl I couldn't let go of. Her vulnerability, her spark, her naivety in so many things, her passion, her beauty. It all combined and got under my skin, and despite the pleas of my family and friends, I couldn't bring myself to dig her out.

I describe Izzy to her, a soul so crushed by disappointment and inconsistency, insecurity and loss of trust, that she careers from one disaster to the next. As her mom and dad passed her halfway across the country from one to the other each time she did something they struggled to cope with, there was only ever one constant in her life.

Me.

And then she destroyed that too.

~S~


	14. Chapter 14

**14**

I draw into the parking lot at First Beach, La Push and park up. Rosalie jumps out of the back and runs to greet her friend Jacob, while I wait for Kate to find a brush in her bag and pull it through her hair.

"What's up with Rose?" Kate asks as we watch her walking back toward the car, stony-faced with Jake at her side. We climb out and Jake greets us both, leaning forward to kiss Kate on the cheek.

"Everything ok?" I ask Rosalie. She grimaces.

"Whitlock's here." It doesn't take a genius to guess what she's trying to tell me. I drop my head back and sigh.

"Ok." I tell her, straightening up.

"Do you want to leave? We can go somewhere else?" she offers.

Yes.

"No. Unless…" I turn to Kate. "Izzy's here." I tell her. She doesn't look surprised, I guess she'd already figured as much. We'd talked at length the previous night about Izzy and me. She was surprisingly accepting of all of it – even the worst details about me.

"I don't care," she replies. "If you want to, we'll stay."

I smile at her, grateful for her self-assurance and confidence in the face of the shit-fest we're possibly facing.

"Okay, we'll stay."

Rosalie still doesn't look happy, so I give her a shove and tell her to lighten up. We're supposed to be out to have fun. She smiles, but as she turns away, I catch the look she throws Jake and I know she's pissed. I'm not exactly ecstatic myself, but I can't live my life running away. Avoiding someone is one thing, turning tail and fleeing is another altogether.

~S~


	15. Chapter 15

**15**

There's a crowd at the beach, which means I don't see her anywhere. I'm relieved, but also hyper-aware, because it means I have no idea where she could be.

We grab a drink from the chiller that someone has brought along and head off to find somewhere to hang out.

The weather is mild, the air as still as it ever gets along this coast and the company is good. Jake and his friends always have funny stories to tell and we spend most of the time laughing. Kate leans comfortable against me and gradually everyone drifts away until only the two of us remain. The light is beginning to fade and the temperature has dipped when I notice her shivering slightly.

"Do you want to go sit by the fire?" I ask, nodding in the direction of the orange flames licking into the air further along the beach. She smiles at me and there's a spark of mischief in her eyes.

"Maybe in a while," she says as she kneels up and moves to straddle me. I moan quietly as her lips find mine. We've always connected well.

I'm confident that our location and the failing light mean that we can't be clearly seen by anybody else, and so I let my body begin to respond to the pretty girl that seems to want me just as much. My hands slip beneath her shirt and I'm working on her bra clasp when in the distance I hear a cry, the familiarity of the voice triggering a subconscious reaction in me.

I struggle and push Kate off, dumping her on the beach as I scramble to my feet and take off in the direction the cries still drift from. Behind a large washed-up tree trunk, I find three figures. As the clear strains of distress fill the air again, I lurch forward and grab the shirt of the nearest figure, spinning him around and landing a lucky punct on his nose. Now he's been lifted off her, Izzy scoots back a few feet on the pebbly surface, just as the third person, launches himself at me. He knocks me to the ground, but in the next second he's gone, and as I squint up I see his friend is yanking him away and back towards the busy end of the beach.

He turns around once and I see then that it's Whitlock. He scowls and tries to turn back, but his friend holds onto him tightly, his other hand covering his bleeding nose as they retreat.

A loud sob reaches my ears, and then a warmth crawls up my arm and envelops me.

What the fuck have I done?

~S~


	16. Chapter 16

**16**

Kate appears right around the moment Izzy shifts herself onto my lap. If she was pissed at me, I could probably handle it. I feel pretty much the same about myself. The pitying look she gives me as she shakes her head and turns to leave though, almost breaks my heart.

I drop my head onto Izzy's shoulder, wholly defeated by the entire situation.

"Are you okay?" I mumble into her hair. It smells the same as it always did and I inhale deeply, getting a fix of an addiction I thought I was strong enough to resist. I wrap one arm around her, then the other and I hold her close, my fingers twitching slightly at the feel of her beneath them once again.

"I think so." She lifts her head slowly and my eyes meet hers. She blinks once, twice; as though she can't believe what she's seeing. She reaches out and touches my cheek, tracing down to my jaw and round to my chin. Her thumb reaches up and sweeps slowly and gently across my bottom lip as I hold my breath.

Somewhere in the distance I hear someone call my name, and the sound snaps me back into reality.

"I can't do this," I tell her.

"Edward …" Her voice is a whisper, tendrils reaching out and piercing into my chest, wrapping themselves around my heart. I know from experience this is how it starts - the gentle caress eventually turns to suffocation.

"No. No, no, no." I'm saying it mainly to myself, my brain beginning to whir in panic. If I keep speaking then I can't hear her and I can't hear her then she can't get to me.

Only of course it's not that simple.

Like a person deprived of any of their senses, as soon as I make myself deaf to her words, my senses of touch and smell magnify. I'm aware of her. She's on me, all over me.

"Get off me," I say. The words sound weak, even to my own ears. She doesn't move. "Get off me, Izzy," I say with more force, trying to push her away. "Get the hell off me!"

"Edward, please!"

She's clinging on and I can't seem to shake her off.

I can't be sure if the sobs I hear are coming from her or me, and I'm beginning to wonder if I'm having some kind of breakdown. I feel like I'm fighting hard, but I shouldn't be struggling against an opponent as slight as she is and getting nowhere.

I hear my name again, but this time it's different and I'm hit with the realization I'm being saved. Rosalie won't let me sink on this ship again, of this I'm certain.

She hauls Izzy off me easily and drops her back onto the beach a few feet away, still fighting, before she comes back and grips my arm to help me up.

"What the fuck are you doing?" she hisses at me under her breath. My shoulders sag as she lets go of my arm. I wipe a palm roughly over my eyes and my hand comes away dry. Apparently I wasn't the one crying earlier.

I notice Kate hanging back, her face tight with concern. Guilt floods me at the memory of how I bolted and left her.

"I'm sorry." I move closer and am relieved when she comes to meet me. "Whitlock and his friend, they were all over her, I just …" I turn to look at Izzy. She has her arms wrapped around her legs and her forehead resting against her knees as she rocks gently back and forth.

"I got this," Kate says. "You go."

"You don't have a car."

"Jake'll take her," Rosalie says. "We're leaving." She grabs my hand and pulls me along with her. I turn again to say bye to Kate, but she's already crouching down beside Izzy, her back to me.

"Whitlock needs reporting to the police," Rosalie says as we retreat.

"She won't do that," I say.

"I know she won't, but what if you hadn't heard her? What about the next girl? He shouldn't be allowed to get away with it, that's all."

"Don't worry," I tell her, the emotional tightness I carry in my chest igniting and beginning to burn hot. "He's not going to."

~S~


	17. Chapter 17

**17**

"Hey! Whitlock!" He's heading out of school alone, but stops and turns when he hears me call. I've almost caught up with him before he even realizes it's me. I bang into him roughly and push him up against the wall. "We have unfinished business."

"Tell me this isn't about that stupid-ass whore bitch, Swan?"

Adrenaline begins to flow faster through my veins and I feel the pressure of anger building in my chest. I pull him forward and slam him back against the wall again.

"Don't call her that," I warn him through tightly gritted teeth. He laughs, not even attempting to fight me off.

"Ah, that's right. You two have _history_ don't you? She said you'd never gotten over her. Even when she fucked your brother." He's sneering at me and I fight the urge to laugh.

"She never fucked my brother, asshole." He raises his eyebrows at me.

"Are you sure? Because I swear her exact words were, '_I fucked him, but he wasn't as good as his brother'."_

The enormity of the betrayal he's suggesting, stuns me into silence. In the time it takes to process it, I wait a beat too long to reply for it to sound fully convincing.

"You're full of shit."

~S~


	18. Chapter 18

**18**

He smirks and I snap, pulling my fist back and taking aim. The punch wipes the leer from his face as he turns and takes the impact on his cheek. His reaction is instant and he throws his own fist toward me. I manage to avoid it and hit him again. When he retaliates he gets me in the stomach, winding me enough that I bend double, trying to pull sweet air back into my empty lungs.

Before I can act again, I feel a hand on my shoulder, yanking me upwards and leaving me looking into the stern face of Mr. Berty.

"Mr. Cullen." He turns to look at Whitlock. "Mr. Whitlock. I think we'd better take a walk to see the Principal."

My heart sinks. I've kept out of trouble for the past six months, but the fact remains that I'm still just one strike away from expulsion after all the shit I got into the last time Izzy was back.

...

Mr. Berty leaves us outside in the hallway while he goes in to speak with Principal Greene. Whitlock lounges against the wall across from me, watching me with a smile playing on his lips. I look away, his words about Emmett still bouncing around my head as the minutes tick by.

The door opens and Principal Greene emerges. "Come on in, Mr. Whitlock. Mr. Cullen, your mother is on her way. We'll speak when she arrives."

My heart takes a dive and I lean forward, letting my head drop into my hands. This is going to be bad.

I look up as Whitlock swaggers past, lifting his eyebrows and grinning at me as he disappears behind the door. I hate him.

In the ten minutes it takes my mom to arrive at the school, my head is no clearer about this whole sorry mess. I hear her heels clacking down the hall before I see her. I keep my eyes on the ground.

"Oh, Edward. What the hell have you done now?"

I can't look up; can't bring myself to see the disappointment on her face again.

"When we were at the beach on Saturday night, I heard someone screaming. I ran to see what was going on and Whitlock and his friend were all over a girl. I got them off her and they took off and when I went to talk to him about it today, things got a little … heated."

I risk a glance at her. She looks horrified.

"They were attacking her? Edward, what the hell were you thinking, taking matters into your own hands? Didn't you even think of reporting it to the police?"

"Of course I thought about it," I huff. She begins to rummage in her bag.

"I'm calling Chief Swan. There's no way I'm letting you get into trouble for a schoolyard fight, and they walk away from attacking a girl."

"No!" I reach out and grab her phone from her hand, holding it out of her reach.

"Edward!"

I take a deep breath and offer the only explanation that I've ever needed to offer when things went wrong, bracing myself for the fallout from what I'm about to say.

"The girl. It was Izzy. She's back."


	19. Chapter 19

**19**

My mom is stunned into silence by the news that Izzy is back in town. She reaches behind her to find the chair she knows is there, and sinks down onto it.

"Why?"

I have no answer, for her or myself.

"What hold does she have over you, Edward? I don't understand it. I thought after everything that happened the last time …" I watch as her eyes become glassy, the tears eventually spilling over and running gently down her cheeks.

I fucking hate this part. My stomach twists and the guilt slides up my throat, threatening to choke me. She reaches out and grips my hand, staring up at me.

"Honey, you're like a stranger when she gets her claws into you. It's like I don't even recognize you. Please, don't go there again."

Principal Greene's door opens and my mom lets go of my hand. Whitlock emerges, ignoring me as he slopes away down the hall.

"Mrs Cullen." His face is serious as he greets my mom. He ushers us in and offers us a seat. It's not the first time we've sat here.

"I have to say I'm disappointed we're back here like this. Edward's behavior has been exemplary for the past few months."

"I quite agree," My mom replies. "I believe Isabella Swan is back though." I swing my head around to look at her.

"I'm not sure I understand," Principal Greene says, furrows of confusion lining his forehead.

"That girl has been in the middle of every scrap of trouble Edward has ever been in. It's no coincidence we're back here as soon as she's in town again. If you don't believe me, take a look at his school records. All the trouble occurs when she's here."

I wish I could get up and leave. It's bad enough they're talking about me as though I'm not even in the room, but I really have no desire for a scapegoat. What happened to all my mom's talk of 'taking responsibility for your own actions'? I make a sound and roll my eyes at the thought, attracting a harsh glare from them both.

Principal Greene steeples his fingers against his top lip and looks down at his desk thoughtfully for a moment or two while we wait in silence. Eventually he looks up.

"Mrs Cullen, I'm sure you're aware your son was on a final warning after the incident where we found drugs they both insisted were his, in Miss Swan's locker."

My mom leans forward.

"There's not one person in this room who doesn't know they were both lying."

"I can only go on the information I'm given, and on that occasion they both admitted they belonged to Edward. Whatever our suspicions may be to the contrary, we have no proof." He looks directly at me. "Edward?"

"They were mine."

I need to keep her out of trouble until I've dealt with the shitstorm Whitlock released earlier. At the first hint of anything bad, her dad always ships her back to Phoenix.

My mom looks at me.

"Edward, this has to stop."

I stare back at her.

"I have no idea what you mean."

~S~


	20. Chapter 20

**20**

"Why are you obsessed with trying to protect her? What has she ever done for you?" my mom demands.

My mind shoots back to the days, weeks and months after my dad left and the evenings when Emmett would leave the house, unable to cope with the void left behind. My Mom would retreat to her office leaving instructions not to disturb her because she was busy.

I remember it all vividly. The sounds of her crying behind the closed door night after night.

The sight of her with her head on the desk, the bottle of pills that had finally quietened her pain, next to her.

The feel of her in my arms as I carried her to bed and tucked the covers around her.

The ache in my heart as she prepared breakfast the next morning with never a mention of the night before. She had no recollection of how she got to bed and I don't think she ever suspected she'd got there by anything less than her own efforts.

And in those evenings there was only one person who cared enough to be there for me. The only one who reached out, wrapped her arms around me and held me at night, slipping out of the house before my doped-up mother regained consciousness.

The only one who ever asked how I was doing. The one who made an effort to fill my time so I couldn't dwell on how a family that had seemed so perfect, could turn to shit so quickly. The one who deflected attempted contact from my father, but left room for reconciliation later on. The one who made that reconciliation happen.

Izzy Swan, was the one.

So, what has she ever done for me? There are times I've thought she may have saved my life. But if I'm truly honest with myself, I know she did. Without Izzy Swan my heart would have stopped beating long before she ever had a chance to break it.

~S~


	21. Chapter 21

**21**

My mom and I walk to the parking lot in silence. There's a figure leaning against my car, waiting for me.

"Hi, Kate," my mom calls out with a false cheeriness as she veers away toward her own car.

"Hi, Mrs Cullen," Kate replies with a smile and a wave. Mom loves Kate.

"I'll be home soon," I call, gesturing to Kate. My mom turns and glares.

"You have a half hour," she calls back, before getting in her car.

"What's your mom doing here?" Kate asks. I've not been able to get hold of her all weekend since I left her with Izzy. She doesn't move away when I lean against the car next to her close enough that we touch. I hope it's a good sign.

"I got into a fight with Whitlock. Principal Greene called her in."

She shifts so she can look at me. I guess she's looking for injuries as she scans my face with her eyes, concern etched onto her face.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, he winded me, that's all." I gently rub my stomach, testing for tenderness. "How are _you_?"

"I spent the weekend trying to convince Izzy to make a complaint about the attack," Kate says. She offers a sidelong glance. I guess she's checking my reaction.

"Oh yeah?"

"It turns out there _was_ no attack." She pauses as I register what she said. My head snaps up.

"Bullshit!" I protest. "I heard her screaming! I dragged the guy off her."

Kate pushes away from the car and stands in front of me, gently grabbing a handful of my t-shirt.

"She tried dismissing it as nothing all weekend. I cornered her at lunch today and she confessed what really happened." She looks directly at me. "Apparently Whitlock, Pete and Izzy were all pretty wasted. The guys had a little coke and Izzy wanted some. They said no and she went crazy, leapt at Whitlock and started screaming and punching him. Pete managed to yank her off and pin her down. That's when you arrived."

Once again Izzy Swan has managed to take everything I thought I knew about a situation and turn it on its head.

"Fuck," I murmur.

"Were you suspended?" Kate asks, rubbing my arms with gentle hands.

"No. Apparently I'll '_be watched very closely'_ and my mom has grounded me indefinitely." I shake my head slowly. "I still can't believe what happened with Whitlock. We all went through so much shit because she was throwing a tantrum?"

I reach out and pull Kate closer, dipping to rest my forehead against hers.

"I'm sorry." I tell her, truthfully. "I'm sorry things have been so messy lately and I'm sorry I've not been able to handle it better."

"It's okay," she says. "We're good."

I press my lips against hers, then pull back to hug her tightly. Over her shoulder I see Izzy turning and hurrying away, reminding me of Whitlock's claims about Emmett. My stomach flips nervously, as it always does when I see her.

"I'm glad," I say. "Because I have a feeling things will get worse before they get better."

~S~


	22. Chapter 22

**22**

As I draw closer to home, I wonder how to approach things with Emmett. I consider gentle hint dropping or just coming straight out and asking him. I still haven't come to any decisions when I get home. At least his car isn't on the driveway.

I head straight upstairs, avoiding the kitchen where I can hear my mom preparing dinner. I lie down on the bed and call Rosalie to fill her in on the Izzy and Whitlock saga.

"I'm having kind of a hard time processing something Whitlock said to me," I tell her. "You're probably going to laugh and tell me to stop being stupid." If anyone can calm me over this, it's Rosalie. "He said Izzy told him she slept with Emmett." I pause and wait for her to laugh her ass off at me.

She doesn't.

"Rose?"

"Okay," she says. It's a pretty weird response and the way she says it makes my heart beat just a little faster.

"Okay?" I sit up.

"Do you want me to come over?"

"What does _okay _mean?" I ask her, ignoring her last question as I climb off the bed. "If you know something you're not telling me …"

"I don't _know _anything."

"But?"

She pauses. "Rosalie?"

"I may have _heard_ something about it. I didn't say anything because I didn't think there was any chance it was true." I sit back down heavily on the edge of my bed.

"I want to know."

"Edward …"

"Just tell me what you Goddamn know, Rose!"

She's quiet for a moment.

"You remember Tyler Crowley's New Year's party?

"Is that a fucking trick question?" I was on edge before, but now I'm on the verge of losing it.

Rosalie and I didn't go to the party because we already had plans in La Push, but it had become the stuff of legend. It was also the night Izzy was picked up for public intoxication on her way home. I didn't even get to see her before her dad sent her away again.

"I _heard_ Eric Yorkie went upstairs to find somewhere to crash out and walked in on … them."

My throat constricts. She keeps talking. "I really never thought there was any truth in it. You know how Eric is? He always exaggerates and twists the truth. Edward?" She seems to suddenly recognize I've fallen silent. I open my mouth to speak at least twice before the words finally work their way free.

"She did fuck someone that night. She told me herself."

I've never told a soul this before. My skin chills as I remember the call.

"But you two were …"

"I fucked up, Rose. I knew exactly how she was. I'd been so careful and then she just caught me off guard and I told her I loved her. The words just kind of fell out."

The panic of the moment when I realized what I'd done still flips my stomach to think of it. I watched the shutters come down and did my best to break through them. I think I knew it was too little too late.

She stayed for around an hour after my confession, but she barely spoke or looked at me. I could see she was fighting an internal struggle, and finally her anxieties won out. She made her excuses and left.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I told her on the doorstep. She turned and looked right at me, and I knew then.

Regardless of the fact her plane to Phoenix wouldn't take her out of the state for another week, _that_ was the moment she left me.

~S~


	23. Chapter 23

**23**

Mom and I are just finishing dinner when Emmett arrives home, sticking his head around the dining room door.

"Oh, man, that smells good. I'm freaking starving."

"Yours is in the oven, honey," Mom tells him with a maternal smile as he disappears again. I wonder what she'd say if she knew what half the town were saying about her golden boy and Izzy Swan.

"I'll take these," I say, standing and gathering our empty plates as she thanks me.

Emmett turns as I walk into the kitchen, kicking the door closed behind me.

"Hey, good day?" he asks, lifting his dinner from the oven, setting it down on the counter and pulling the oven gloves off.

"Not really."

He frowns.

"Everything okay?"

This is it. My palms grow moist with sweat and my heart is beating fit to burst from my chest. The amount of adrenaline coursing through me is making me nauseous.

"Mom got called into school and I was nearly suspended for fighting with Jasper Whitlock."

He whirls around and glares at me.

"What the fuck, Edward?" he growls.

"I kind of lost it when he told me Izzy fucked my brother."

It feels as though time pauses, just for a moment. We stare at one another and I pray he'll deny it; convince me Whitlock and every other asshole in town who have retold the story, are lying.

He shrinks away and leans back against the counter and still I wait for him to speak.

"I didn't …" he begins. A flutter of hope begins to unfurl in my chest. "I didn't mean for it to happen."

And just like that every shred of hope that I actually knew my brother better than everyone else, vanished.

"Motherfucker."

I fly across the room, barrlling into him, sending the dinner pots crashing to the floor in the process. He doesn't fight back as he loses his footing on the broken crockery, sliding to the ground and curling up to protect himself as best he can from the blows I rain down on him.

"What the hell is going on in here? Edward!" I feel my mother's hands grasp my shoulders and pull at me. "Edward! Get off him, now!"

The mist dissipates and enough of the fight leaves me to let myself be tugged backward, landing in a heap on the floor. I scramble to my feet and stand, breathless as my mom looks at me with an air of incredulity.

"What the hell was that all about?"

My shoulders sag. I'm exhausted. I make for the door.

"Edward!" She's mad now. I couldn't care less.

"Ask him. I'm done."

~S~


	24. Chapter 24

**_24_**

_Edward,_

_I heard someone told you about Emmett. I never meant to hurt you so deeply, just enough to make you want to stay away from me. I always knew I was bad for you, but you couldn't seem to see it yourself. When you told me you loved me I knew I'd let you in too far. I'm a complete screw-up and I destroy every good thing that's ever given to me, that's why I could never accept your love, not because I didn't want to. Don't ever think I didn't want you._

_ The thing with Emmett seemed a good idea at the time as far as desperate measures go, less so after, which is why I never told you. Please don't be too mad at him, he could barely stand, he was so drunk. I doubt he can even remember anything about it. _

_I'm really not worth losing your brother over._

_You're a good person, Edward; the best actually. I wonder sometimes why you invested so much time and energy into someone like me, but I'm grateful you did. You made the dark times lighter and bearable and I wish I could still have you in my life, because some days I struggle to keep my head above the water. Those are the days a hug from you would have made the difference between sink and swim in the past. I mostly sink now._

_I had some bad news a couple of days ago. The cancer that my mom fought and beat six years ago, is back. This time it's already not looking so good. The doctors say it's in her liver, and although they're going to run some tests to find out for certain, they're pretty sure there's nothing they'll be able to do about it. News like that hits you hard and makes you re-evaluate everything. I don't want to look back on my life when it's too late to make amends and have as many regrets as I have right now. I know there's no way I can make things up to you for all the bad things I've done, but I need to say sorry, regardless._

_So, here goes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ever walked up to you that day outside the Thriftway and drew you in. I'm sorry for all the cruel things I've done since and I'm sorry we've wound up like this. _

_I'm also sorry for the way I reacted when you told me you loved me. You should know that I had never felt a thrill like the one that shot through my body when I heard you say those words. I tried to fight the fear, to squash it down and force it back, but it burst through and drenched everything else._

_There's one last thing you should know, because not saying it is one of my biggest regrets._

_I loved you too. _

_Izzy xxx_

_~S~_


	25. Chapter 25

**25**

I finish reading her email, slam the lid of my laptop shut and storm from the room. Running down the stairs, I pass my dad.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he calls after me.

"The usual," I reply, not stopping.

That's the good thing about living with my dad, he'll accept whatever answer I throw at him without thinking it's inadequate enough to deserve extra questioning. I managed one night under the same roof as Emmett after the fight, before I turned up on my dad's doorstep with a backpack of clothes and a request to move in. My mom didn't raise a single argument when I said I was going, and that kind of hurt.

I'm guessing, across town, the general lack of information she now has about my life is driving her crazy.

Out on the street I turn left. Another advantage of living here is I'm only two blocks from Kate's house. I run all the way there, desperately trying to get rid of the nervous tension Izzy's email has elicited in my muscles.

I'm breathless when Kate answers the door to my knock. She frowns as she takes in the sight of me.

"Hey," I greet her.

"Hey."

I step forward and she stands to the side to let me past.

"Are you home alone?"

"Yeah, why?"

I move closer to her, cupping the back of her head with one hand and resting my other on her waist. I steer us back another step until she has the wall against her back. I know I'm confusing her from the look in her eyes as I plead with my own.

"Can we …?" I run my hand up her body from her waist and dip my head down until my lips meet hers, as sweet and willing as always. She makes a sound that spells out her desire as she reaches for me too. "I need to get out of my own head for a while," I confess in a murmur as my mouth travels across her jaw and up her neck.

"I can help with that," she promises, gasping quietly.

o0o

"I know something's up," Kate tells me, turning her head on the pillow to look directly at me. "You've never just showed up here like this before."

I glance at her and turn away again with a sigh. She says nothing more, but I know she's watching me closely as I lean out toward the floor, reach for my discarded jeans and take my phone from the pocket. I pull up my emails and open the relevant one, trying not to look at the words as I pass it to her.

She reads it in silence and when she finishes she places the phone down between us. I look at her, her cheeks flushed and chest still coated with a sheen of sweat, and I realize how fucked up this all is.

I mutter an apology and snatch up my phone as I sit up and throw my legs over the side of the bed.

Pulling on my t-shirt, I feel her touch me.

"I'm sad for you both," she says softly. I pause for a moment, then carry on getting dressed.

"Edward, can I ask you something?" I'm on my feet fastening my jeans. I turn to face her. "How do you feel about Izzy? After reading that, I mean."

I swallow.

"I'm sorry her mom's ill," I say. "Aside from that, everything she wrote was too little too late. I can't go there again, Kate." I sit down and take her hand in mine.

"How are you feeling?" I ask. She looks unsure and that worries me. She's always so composed.

"I know what we have. It's easy-going and casual and I'm fine with that, but I won't be used as a distraction. That's not fair."

"I'm sorry," I say. "I promise."

I lean forward and place a gentle kiss on her lips. "Just do me one favor, okay? If my brother ever comes within a mile of you, you tell him to go to hell."

~S~


	26. Chapter 26

**26**

"You may as well stop hiding away, I know all of your hiding places anyway." Rosalie sits down next to me on the grass behind the gym.

"I'm not hiding, I'm avoiding you." I stubbornly refuse to look up from my biology textbook. I've been dealing with the whole situation by throwing myself back into my studies.

"I've stayed out of your way for almost two weeks now, it's time to sort this shit out," she says, sliding the book from my hands.

"Okay." I turn to look at her with the same steeliness she regards me with in return. I take a deep breath. "You should have told me."

"I should have," she agrees. "But I didn't believe it, she was gone, and you were doing fine. There was nothing to be gained from telling you."

"I'd have known what kind of person my brother really was a whole lot sooner," I tell her.

"I've been telling you for years he's a douchebag, you should have just listened to me in the first place."

My lips twitch slightly. She's right.

"Come on, Edward, are you really going to let them ruin our friendship too? When have I ever let you down before?"

Rosalie is a fierce friend and I've never known her do anything else to make me doubt her loyalty.

"I guess I could maybe make a little time for you again," I say. "I mean, my social calendar is bulging, but for you …"

She shoves me but then throws her arms around me, kissing me loudly on the cheek.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," she says sincerely.

"I forgive you," I reply. I hope she realises how lucky she is, my forgiveness is something I'm not parting with easily right now.

"So, I heard something you should know." She sits back down. "Izzy's gone again."

"Phoenix?" I ask, trying to pinpoint the emotions her news has stirred up.

"Yeah. She's gone to look after her mom."

I snort.

"She can't even look after herself." I think of my own mom tending to her mother as she lay in bed, her life slowly and painfully ebbing away. I know it's not for the weak-hearted and yet that's exactly what Izzy has always been.

"Karma," Rose states calmly. I glare at her.

"Have you ever watched someone dying from cancer, Rosalie?"

I wonder if Izzy ever has and if she knows exactly what lies in store for her. "Even karma's not that fucking cruel."

~S~


	27. Chapter 27

**PART 2**

**27**

Sometimes it doesn't matter how many months have passed, one glimpse of something we once knew so well can send us hurtling back in time. For that split second it takes our brain to catch up, it drags everything else along with it, including our emotions. So, as I pass through the park on my daily run and see her there, it takes my head a few moments to register the fact that it's been four years and the whole of college since I last saw her, and not the matter of days my churning stomach and fast-beating heart would have me believe.

My rhythm falters and my feet slow as I realize she's not alone. Running back toward her and grabbing her hand is a small boy. They both laugh as she allows herself to be dragged along to the swing set where she lifts him onto the seat and sends him high up into the air. A series of squeals and '_hold on tight_'s wind their way over to me through the air.

She looks happy and carefree, and I'm reminded this is when she's at her most beautiful. When did I last see her laugh like this? Catch her hair as it blows out in the wind? Smile so widely and genuinely? I think she was probably fifteen. All those lost years when I clung on to the damaged shell of what she had become and everyone asked what I saw in her. This. Just this. I knew it was still buried in there somewhere, long after everyone else had forgotten it ever existed.

The child squeals loudly and my attention's drawn to him. His hair is lighter than Izzy's, but his features are similar. I assume he must be hers because as far as I know, her dad is the only family she has in town. I guess the boy's four, maybe five years old.

I do the math.

My feet stop working completely and a hot flush flows across my skin.

Of course, there were guys before and guys after, but there was only one time Izzy was away from Forks long enough for nobody here to know.

He looks up and sees me staring at them; points me out to her.

Izy raises her head and I can tell the exact moment she realizes it's me. Her hands falter as she reaches forward to push his small body higher and then she reaches up to tuck her hair behind her ear. I see her lean in and speak to him and then she steps away from the swings and toward me, glancing back as she comes closer, to check he's stayed put.

I consider breaking back into a run; turning without looking back and pretending I didn't see a thing. But I'm not seventeen any more.

So I stand and I wait and I pray.


	28. Chapter 28

**28**

"I thought you'd be gone by the time I got over here," she says. It's a strange greeting, but one that sums up our past perfectly. One of us was always pulling in the opposite direction.

"Not this time," I say, not admitting I had considered it. "How are you?" It seems the right thing to ask, and yet I can clearly see the answer with my own eyes.

"I'm good. You?"

"I'm okay," I tell her. Or at least I was, up until a couple of minutes ago. There aren't many situations that make me uncomfortable these days, but this one is as awkward as hell. My jaw is tense and I feel compelled to shift my body slightly every few seconds, as though the discomfort sitting heavy in my belly, could be the result of something physical rather than psychological.

Izzy glances back over her shoulder, checking on the small figure on the slowing swing seat. I'm desperate to know exactly how he fits in, but under the circumstances '_By the way, is the kid related to me in some way?' _feels a little inappropriate.

"Are you visiting your dad?" I ask instead, moving to put my restless hands in my pockets and smoothing my palms over my hips and the tops of my thighs instead when I remember I have my running shorts on.

"No, we've moved back permanently," she says, brushing her back from her face. I don't remember her cheeks ever having this much colour before, even after full summers in Phoenix. "Forks just seems like a better place to be raising a kid, you know?"

I have no idea, it's not a situation I've ever had to consider before, but I nod my head in agreement.

"I didn't know if you'd still be in town. I thought maybe you'd have gone away to college," she adds, her fingers absentmindedly pulling at the hem of her sweater.

"I did, I've been back a couple of months. I guess I couldn't stay away." I smile. Although the small town may be good for raising little kids, its opportunities for a fulfilling adulthood are pretty poor. We've discussed that fact enough times over the years, both adamant we'd leave and never look back as soon as we were old enough. We clearly both thought the other had managed to do just that.

A cry of '_help_' reaches us. Izzy turns, her eyes scanning the area for the little boy, as the empty swing seat rocks gently back and forth. I see him, perched high at the top of the ladder to the monkey bars, screeching that he's stuck.

She takes off toward him. I pause for a moment, unsure what to do, but then jog after her. Izzy reaches him first and stands at the bottom of the ladder, trying to coax him down as he clings on just out of her reach.

"Here, let me," I say gently, nudging her to one side so I'm directly below him. "Come on, fella." I reach up and grasp him gently under his arms, lifting him easily away and placing him down on the ground at her feet. He looks up at me, wide-eyed, and I can't help but smile as I take the opportunity to study his face for clues. It gives nothing away; all I see is Izzy.

I switch my attention back to her and catch her staring at the dark ink adorning my right forearm. She raises her eyes to mine and she's looking at me in the same wide-eyed manner as the boy was just moments before.

This, right here, is the point at which I panic. I begin to back away from them, forcing a smile.

"Okay, well I guess I should be going. I might see you around," I say, already turning away as Izzy calls out a thank you. She adds something else, but I don't quite catch what it is and I can't bring myself to go back now.

I push on, harder than before, until soon my muscles are aching and my breathing is labored. I'm painfully aware that for every bit of effort I put into making my body work, I have absolutely no control over the speed my head is spinning.

~S~


	29. Chapter 29

**29**

Rosalie opens the door, tying her robe around herself as I push past her.

"You won't believe who I just saw!" I have to get this out before I burst.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Rosalie's boyfriend asks as he appears at the top of the stairs in just his underwear.

"Fuck you, Royce," I spit back.

"Hey! Enough!" Rose bundles me across the hall and into the kitchen, closing the door behind us. "Sit there, slow down and start over," she tells me, yanking a dining chair out from beneath the table and directing me to it. She sits opposite, folding her arms on the table and looking at me until I do as I'm told. I sit down with a sigh.

"I ran into Izzy Swan at the park," I begin.

"No." Rosalie raises her finger and jabs it toward me. "You're twenty-one now, Edward, not seventeen. We're not doing all this teen-angst bullshit any more. You hear me?"

I do hear her, and I would agree, except for one small detail.

"Rose, she had a kid with her. A boy, around four, maybe five years old."

Rosalie leans slowly back in her chair and rests her palms on the table. I watch her go through all the same thought processes I covered myself, and come to the same conclusions.

"You think he could be …?" She can't say the words, which is fine by me, because I don't want to hear them.

"I don't know, he looked just like her. I think there has to be a good chance though."

"And she didn't say anything about him?"

"He got stuck on the climbing frame before she got a chance. I lifted him down and then I pretty much made my excuses and left."

"Shit, what a mess." She sits forward, elbows on the table and massages her forehead with her fingertips. "What do you want to do?" she asks, looking up at me. "I mean, you don't have to address the situation right now. She might only be in town for a few days."

"She's moved back, she told me that."

"Then she probably has her own plan in mind for how she's going to deal with it. She knows she can't keep something like that quiet in a town this size. I'm guessing she had just as much a shock as you, when she saw you."

I absentmindedly trace the ink on my arm. Rose's eyes follow the path of my fingers and her face softens.

"Edward, go home. Don't do anything stupid, wait for her to get in touch; you know she will. And in the meantime try and think of what you'll say if you run into her again before that."

A yell comes from upstairs.

"Rosalie!"

"Please can I kick him out?" I ask, staring angrily at the ceiling. The guy's a fucktard and I cannot stand him. I'm yet to figure out what Rose sees in him, but she insists she's happy.

"Edward," she scolds, but says no more.

He makes his way noisily downstairs and throws the kitchen door open, strolling through in just his boxers.

"You still here?" he asks abruptly. Rose shoots a warning glare at me. I stand and walk over to give her a hug. We've always done this, but I linger an extra moment, purely to antagonize him. He hates me as much as I hate him.

"I'll see you later," I tell her as I make for the door.

"That better have been a figure of speech, because she'll be busy later, I'll be making sure of that!" he calls out. I'm a fraction of a second too late to miss the spanking sound and the playful squeal Rose lets out. I slam the door behind me, hoping that one of these days she sees sense.

~S~


	30. Chapter 30

**30**

"Hey, bro." I settle myself down on the immaculate green grass, running my hand gently across so it tickles my palm. "I have a feeling Izzy Swan could be about to land another shit-storm on our doorstep, dude."

The sun chooses that moment to force itself out from behind a cloud, lighting up the lettering on the dark granite surface of his headstone. Seeing his name on that slab of rock is like a punch to the gut every time.

I think about the six months I couldn't bring myself to speak to him after I found out about the two of them. What a criminal waste. Tragedy does a good job of putting things into perspective.

I'm trying hard to get a handle on how I'm feeling. I'm pretty sure I should be pissed about it, but actually, the thought that there's something of him left offers a small glimmer of light in what has otherwise been a dark and depressing couple of years.

"I have no idea what to do here, Em," I admit out loud. "I feel I should be mad at her, but you should have seen her. She looked happy and vibrant and together for the first time in years. And if that is your son she's raising, then it looked like she was doing a pretty good job of it. I held onto him, he was stuck up high and I reached up and I …" An image flashes through my head of my brother lifting him down, his bulky arms flexing ever so slightly as he takes the child's weight and sets him down. A sudden sob gets stuck in my throat, the noise shocking me as much as the tears that are forging their way determinedly down my face. "It should have been you, Em," I say between deep, tortured moans, before the grief lays down on me like a heavy blanket, darkening the world and making it hard to breathe. I automatically pull my knees up, and ball up to ride it out. I've learned that trying to hold it in when it's already this far gone is impossible.

I have no idea how I'm going to handle this. No matter how rough it gets though, I'm determined not to let this piece of Emmett go.

~S~


	31. Chapter 31

**31**

Another three days pass by before I see Izzy again. I've been nearly going out of my mind waiting for her to show up; I even almost call my mom twice to tell her what's going on, but somehow I managed to wait.

She's sitting on a bench in the park as I follow my usual running route. My heart quickens as I look quickly around to try and catch a glimpse of the boy, but I can't see him anywhere.

She turns her head and sees me, watching for a moment, then dropping her eyes to stare at the ground as I approach.

"Hey," I say, pulling my earbuds out as I stop beside the bench.

"Hi. How are you doing?" she asks. This isn't a general enquiry, there's a depth and softness to her voice; a tilt to her head, that tells me she's genuinely concerned.

"I'm okay," I tell her. I wonder how much to say about how I really am. Do I bring up the elephant in the room now or should I wait a little longer? "Are you alone today?" I ask, sitting down beside her. My stomach begins to churn a little.

"Yeah, I felt like getting out for a while and my dad's home so …." She shrugs, not quite managing to finish the sentence.

"I thought you might have called round," I tentatively begin. She frowns and looks up at me quizzically.

"You did? Why?" she asks. I look back at her, disbelieving.

"I thought maybe you'd want to talk about your _son_?" My hands are balled tightly as I begin to feel angry at her nonchalance.

She looks at me, her eyes open wide and then she laughs.

"My son? Jimmy's not my son, he's my brother!"

My heart freefalls from my chest, into the bottom of my stomach where it crashes and cracks.

"He's not …? Emmett's not …"

The smile vanishes abruptly from her face.

"Emmett? Shit, you thought …"

I feel frozen; as though a rug has been ripped out from under me and I've crashed down, dazed.

"I'm sorry, I know we were always careful and I assumed …" I mumble. "I didn't know you had a brother. Shit." The hope of a living link to Emmett tugs and then drifts away, like balloon ribbons slipping out of my hand and away into the heavens.

"Oh, Edward." Her voice is soft and drips with sympathy, while I just feel like an idiot. "I was going through a rough patch," she explains. "It felt like they were trying to push me out with the baby and I resented it. I didn't tell anyone, not even you." She casts me a glance as she acknowledges how close we were. "I look at him now and wonder how I could have felt that way."

"You're taking care of him because your mom died?" I ask, reluctant to jump to any more conclusions, because really, who knows any more?

"Yeah, I went back from here when I heard she was sick. I knew she didn't have a lot of time left. You remember my Aunt Mary?" she asks. I do and I tell her as much with a small nod. "She was great, she organized some help for me to straighten myself out and helped with my mom and Jimmy. My mom's been gone a little over three years. I've taken care of Jimmy alone for two and a half years. My step-dad just remarried. He and his wife have a baby of their own and he doesn't have a lot of time for us now. He stays in touch and he sends me child support, but he didn't argue when I said I wanted to up and move. There really wasn't much left worth staying for in Phoenix."

"I'm sorry to hear about your mom," I tell her, because despite their differences I know that it must have ripped her apart when she died.

"Thanks. I'm sorry to hear about your brother. I asked my dad about him, he said it was his heart?"

A sad sigh slips past my lips as I remember.

"Yeah. He was playing football. They'd just gone back on for the second half and he collapsed. He was already dead when they reached him. The coroner said it was Sudden Cardiac Arrest." I close my eyes and rub them, fatigue from the worries of the past few days catching up with me. I've been pretty good at putting a block on everything since Em died, but as soon as you allow a tiny trickle through, the flood-waters force their way past and wash violently over you.

I feel a hand on my arm and look up. She's watching me, big brown eyes soft and sympathetic.

"I'm sorry for the mix-up," she says. "I should have introduced you both the other day. You took me by surprise, and then when I saw your tattoo … well, I was kind of shocked and then you up and left."

I glance down at her fingers lying over the intricate memorial featuring Emmett's name and gently brush them away.

"I'd better get going," I say and rise to my feet. I need a little time to grieve alone for the nephew I never really had in the first place.

~S~


	32. Chapter 32

**32**

I press the doorbell and wait impatiently, the gentle fizz of excitement setting my body on edge. I hear footsteps approaching and I'm smiling before the door's even fully open.

"Hi! Look, baby, Daddy's here!" Kate stands aside, passing me our daughter as I step through the doorway. I hand her a bag in return.

"Hi, Princess!" I kiss her on the cheek and she giggles loudly, trying to push me away with her pudgy little hand. "Daddy's missed you!"

"We were only gone for a week," Kate says, smiling as I bend to kiss her cheek too.

"It felt like a lot longer," I say as I follow her through into the living room. I sit down on the couch, and Sasha struggles to be released from my hold. I watch proudly as she toddles away from me. "She's so much steadier on her feet in just a week," I comment.

"She is, I think she'll be running soon. Won't you, pretty girl?" I smile as I watch Kate cooing over her. As though she feels my eyes on her, she turns and looks right back at me.

"What?" she asks, a smile on her own face.

"She has you wrapped right around her little finger," I say.

"Ha! Look who's talking. Is this another gift?" she asks, raising her eyebrows playfully as she lifts the bag I'd handed her. I shrug, aiming for nonchalance.

"Ah, it's nothing really. Just a little something I happened to see."

She reaches into the bag and pulls out a cuddly Minnie Mouse. And a Hello Kitty t-shirt. And a book. She shoots me a stern look.

"Edward …"

"I know, I'm sorry. It's kind of a celebratory gift," I say.

"Oh yeah? Well that's a new excuse."

"Hey, it's true," I protest.

Sasha moves to Kate and reaches for the book she holds in her lap. Kate gives it to her and she brings it to me. I lift her up onto my knee and open the sturdy board cover for her to look at the pictures.

"I got a job," I say, smiling proudly. "As a physio. Finally all that studying paid off."

"You did? The one you had the interview for last week?" she asks.

"Yeah, it's based in Port Angeles, but they have a clinic here in Forks too. Hopefully if a job comes up in the future, I might be able to transfer."

"That's great news, well done!" She comes over and hugs me. Sandwiched between us, Sasha squeals loudly and Kate pulls away, laughing.

"As soon as I have my salary and benefits worked out, I'll adjust Sash's payments," I promise as she sits back down.

"Really, there's no hurry. We're doing okay," she says.

"I know you're doing okay, but I said I'd help you finish college and I will." I cuddle Sasha in to me. "I promise."

~S~


	33. Chapter 33

**33**

"Can I stay and talk?" I ask as Kate picks a whining Sasha up and prepares to take her up for her nap. She pauses for a moment, a concerned look on her face.

"Sure, I'll just settle her down." She turns her attention to Sasha. "Say bye bye to Daddy," she says, lowering her down to kiss me.

"Bye bye. I love you," I tell her.

Kate's soon back and offers to make coffee.

"So, what's up?" she asks, handing me a mug and sitting down on the other couch.

"Do you remember Izzy Swan, from school?" I ask her. She smirks.

"Is that a trick question?"

"Yeah, I guess it would be hard to forget her." _I should know_. "She moved back to Forks. I ran into her while you were away, she was at the park with a little boy. It turns out he's her half-brother, but I spent a few days convincing myself he must be Emmett's."

"Why would you think that?" she asks. It sounds ridiculous, even to my own ears now.

"His age looked right. I know the only other person she slept with around then was me because she told me everything, and we never took any chances."

"She didn't tell you about her brother," Kate points out. It's true and I nod to acknowledge as much.

Kate is the voice of reason; she always has been.

She'd showed up for Emmett's funeral, the first time I'd seen her since we went away to college, calling an end to whatever it was we had going on. We slipped away from the wake and spent the rest of the day and night in bed together. It was like having a giant band-aid stuck over a painful wound; I could still feel the pain, but being with her made me feel a little better, enough to hold me away from the edge of the frightening abyss of grief that I was at risk of toppling right into. I know it can seem impossible to clamber out of that once you're in; my mom was stuck in there for long enough.

Six weeks later she called me. Nothing unusual about that, we'd always kept in touch, but this time it was life-altering.

"_How are you doing?" Kate asks tentatively._

"_I spend most days somewhere between zombie-like and average," I confess. The grief is still raw and the situation doesn't feel real. I awake most mornings after very little sleep, my heart already aching and my eyes sore from the tears that prick my eyes once I settle down in bed at night. It takes a moment for my head to catch up with why I feel like I do and then, WHAM, the fissure running through the centre of my chest cracks wide open all over again._

"_I have some news and I don't know how you're going to react," she says. "I wish I was there to tell you in person."_

"_If someone died, I'm not sure I can deal with it," I warn her in all seriousness, as the rhythm of my heart kicks up a notch._

"_Nobody died," she says._

"_Okay."_

"_I'm pregnant."_

"_Oh… Congratulations?" I say as I struggle to register the information. Kate's silent for a beat._

"_Edward, I'm pregnant with _your _baby."_

"_Oh! Uh…" I'm scrabbling around in my head to sort through the announcement and what it means. _

"_I don't want you to worry about it," she tells me softly. "I'm going to keep it. I'll take care of it."_

"_But what about college? Kate—"_

"_I'm going to do this and it'll be fine. College will always be there."_

"_I…I don't know what to say." I slump to the floor, stunned. _

"_I don't want anything from you," she says, a hint of nervousness creeping into her voice._

"_No, I'll do the right thing," I insist, barely above a whisper. "We'll work this out."_

"_Thank you. For not freaking out, I mean. I'm doing this regardless, but having you on side will be a huge help."_

_I'm struck by a sudden bout of spontaneity._

"_Do you want to get married?" It spills out of my mouth in a rush. Kate laughs on the other end of the line._

"_No! Edward, we didn't think what we had was enough to survive college, what on earth makes you think it's enough to raise a child?" _

_If it didn't make so much sense, I might be offended. "Let's leave everything as it is. We get on great like this, why risk becoming bitter by forcing ourselves together for the sake of the baby?"_

"_You're really having my baby?" I ask, hit by the surreal nature of the moment again from nowhere. She laughs quietly._

"_I really am."_

_~S~_


	34. Chapter 34

**34**

I'd deny a preoccupation with Izzy again, but she definitely wanders into my thoughts a couple of times a day. I wonder about her life now; how things are for her and if she's really as similar as when I first knew her. Life shapes people, and I can't help thinking she must be bearing some of the scars from her lost years. I wonder exactly which of the scars she has still, and how they mark her.

I have regrets from back then; who doesn't? I look back and wonder why the hell I let her play me like she did, because there's no way I'd let anyone get away with treating me that way now. Hindsight is twenty-twenty, love is blind, et cetera. I guess none of it makes a shred of difference now. All our lives come down to a set of clichés in the end.

Curiosity has me hoping to run into her again, wanting to find out more about what she thinks and how she feels these days. If I'm so altered from how I was four years ago - shaped and moulded, teased and whittled, by experience, grief and love, why should she be any different? I think of the last time she came back before her mom died, how I'd hide away, afraid to face her in case she got a hold of my heart again. I'd become so dependent on her in the aftermath of my dad walking out on us, she'd become a life raft to cling on to. It was unfortunate she would be the cause of the roughest waters. Compared to losing Emmett though, that shit was trivial. If I can survive that, I can survive anything.

I'm the captain of my own life raft these days.

~S~


	35. Chapter 35

**35**

Almost two weeks pass by before I see Izzy again. I'm pushing Sasha down the main street in her stroller, when I notice her in her car, sitting at a red light. She does a noticeable double take, but recovers enough to raise her hand in acknowledgment before the light turns green and she pulls away.

The following week she's at the park again. I consider carrying on by without stopping, but before I've reached a final decision, she sees me and waves. My feet change direction before my head has fully caught up, veering across the grass to where she sits on a picnic rug, her body angled toward Jimmy as he plays.

"Hi!" she greets me, squinting up at me with one hand shielding her eyes from the sun. She reaches behind her head with her other hand and scoops her hair round and over her shoulder, running her fingers through it as though ridding it of tangles. "Do you want to join me for a minute or two? I'm desperate for some adult conversation." She smiles and scoots across.

"Sure," I say, lowering myself down beside her. "One of those days, huh?"

"Seriously, I can do nothing right today. We got out of the house before I lost my mind."

"Kids, huh?" I say. She sees the way in.

"That wasn't your sister I saw you pushing last week, was it?" she asks. I laugh a little.

"No, that's my daughter."

"She's cute," she says, sending a wave of pride washing over me.

"Yeah, she is," I agree. "I don't know if you remember Kate from school? She's Sasha's mom. We're not together." I offer all of this up without her even asking.

"I do remember her, she was nice. I'm sorry things didn't work out for you."

"It's okay, we've never really been together as such. Things are good though, we get on well."

Jimmy looks up and waves, then comes racing over the grass and throws himself at Izzy. She catches him, yelling in surprise as he sends her off-balance and sideways into me. I automatically reach out and catch them. They're a big bundle of giggles as I help Izzy to sit them both back up again.

"Jimmy!" she attempts to scold him through her giggles. "I'm so sorry," she says, turning to me, her cheeks pink. I realize I'm staring when they darken further and she looks away coyly. "You made us crash into Edward," she says. "What do you say to him?" Jimmy scrambles to his feet. He looks at me for a moment frowning.

"I know you," he says. "Izzy has a picture of you in her room."

His words take me by surprise and Izzy looks like she wants the whole rug to slip inside a crack in the earth and disappear.

"She does?" I ask, keeping my eyes on her.

"Jimmy!" she hisses, pulling him onto her lap and ducking her head behind him.

"We were best friends a long time ago," I tell him.

"Why aren't you friends now?" he asks, all wide-eyed innocence. I think of how once I'd have been the one hiding away while she brazened it out.

I look at her and think of how much water has flowed under the space where our bridges burned.

"I don't know," I tell him.

~S~


	36. Chapter 36

**36**

"I did some mean stuff to him," she says quietly, shifting Jimmy so she can see his face. "The kind of stuff you shouldn't do to a friend."

"What did you do?" he asks, never taking his eyes off her.

"You don't need to know," she says. "Just take it from me, if you have someone who treats you well, you should treat them the same way. If you don't and you push them too far, you'll probably regret it someday. Good friends are very hard to find."

She looks at him and he looks back, a small frown weighing on his forehead.

"Izzy?" he says at last.

"Yeah?"

"Can I have a popsicle?"

She smiles and shakes her head at his reaction.

"Sure, we'll get one soon."

"Please?" he whines

"I said yes, you know I always keep my promises," she says, lifting him to his feet and reaching out to straighten his shorts and t-shirt. "Now go and play a while."

"Okay!" he says, already turning and running away, looking back curiously at me until Izzy yells at him to look where he's going.

"He didn't get a word of that, did he?"

"No, but I did," I tell her. I'm guessing her words were for my benefit rather than Jimmy's anyway.

"I'm sorry. I just want you to know," she says, eyes down, watching the ground as her fingers wind around the blades of grass and pluck them from the earth.

"Izzy." I pause until she looks up at me. "I have no interest in keep raking over the past; life's too short."

We sit in silence as I think of Emmett. I guess she's probably thinking of her mom.

"You never replied to my emails," she says eventually. "I emailed you every week when I got back to Phoenix, and you never sent anything back."

I don't look at her.

"I changed my email address right after you left," I lie, thinking guiltily of how I still have every last one saved in a folder, all of them unopened.

She says nothing.

Jimmy runs over again.

"Can I have a popsicle now, please?" he begs, wrapping his little arms around her. She sighs.

"I'll get it," I say.

"No, really…" she protests.

"It's fine. Is there anything he doesn't like?" I ask. She looks at him and laughs.

"Are you kidding? Jimmy's a professional popsicle destroyer. He loves them all." She ruffles his hair and when she looks back up at me with a grin still on her face and one eye scrunched up against the sun shining behind me, I feel a rush of affection.

"I'll be right back," I tell her, returning the smile. It takes longer to fade than it should.

~S~


	37. Chapter 37

**37**

After a shower, a sandwich and as much procrastination as I can stand, I open up my laptop and log into my email.

On the left, the '_more' _tab reveals a folder innocuously titled '_**assignments (18)**_'. I pause and then open it.

This isn't new ground, I've done this plenty of times before, but never with my hands sweating and my heart sounding in my ears. And not once in the past three years.

I glance down the list at the dates they were sent. One a week for the four months or so after she left. And then suddenly…nothing.

I think about then and I think about today. She could be a different person from what I've seen so far. Is there anything to be gained from reading these now after so long?

On a whim I reach down and move my finger across the touchpad. I do it quickly, before I lose my nerve.

_Select._

_All._

_Delete._

_18 conversations have been moved to the Trash._

_More._

_Trash._

_Select._

_All._

_Delete forever._

_18 conversations have been deleted._

I sit back in the chair, fingers of doubt prodding at my brain, whispering, '_are you sure you wanted to do that?'_

Am I? No. Did I want to read them? I don't know, but there's little point worrying about it now; it's done.

I rub my hand across my mouth, then reach down again and scroll to the folder that now reads '_assignments_'. There's no bold type and no number, alerting me to the amount of unread messages it contains.

I open it.

_There are no conversations with this label._

_Assignments._

_Remove label._

_Delete the label "assignments"?_

_Delete_

_The label "assignments" was removed._

And with that, the last trace of the old Izzy is gone.

My phone buzzes next to me; a message from a number that's not yet programmed in.

_It was nice catching up today. I xx_

I type a reply back.

_Yeah it was. See you soon_

I deliberate for a moment, then I add a question mark to the end. I delete it again, stare at the words and add it again.

_Send._

_~S~_


	38. Chapter 38

**38**

"I have something to ask you," I tell Kate when I drop Sasha off the following week. I'm sitting on the couch and she's busy unpacking Sash's overnight bag. She looks up at my words.

"Oh?" she asks.

"A friend has asked if Sasha and I want to join her for a day out next weekend."

Kate smiles.

"It's your time with her, Edward," she says. "You don't have to ask my permission."

I glance down and notice my knee bouncing slightly.

"It's Izzy," I say, looking back up at her tentatively.

She pauses, Sasha's pajamas in her hand and her head tilted as she slowly sits down.

"Please tell me you're going into this with your eyes open," she says. The slight frown creasing her brow tells me she's already worrying.

"They couldn't be wider," I assure her.

She sighs.

"Kate, if you'd asked me even six months ago if I'd ever consider this, the answer would have been no. As far as I was concerned she was gone from my life for good."

"So what changed?" she asks.

"She did," I reply.

"People don't just change, Edward," she says. There's a bite to her tone that tells me she's losing patience with me.

"No, they don't," I agree. "But sometimes they go through so much, they mold and adjust. It's not even as though she's changed unrecognizably, more like she's back to her old self." I sit forward, desperate for her to understand. "This is how I remember her being, Kate. This is the girl I fell in love with in the first place. This is the memory I clung on to when she was busy being someone else."

Kate listens to me, her chin in her hand and her fingers covering her mouth.

"You seem so sure," she says at last.

"I switch between certain and terrified," I admit.

"I'm going with terrified, myself," she says. "I was around, remember, when she came back that last time? You were so scarred by her. I couldn't forgive myself if I stood by while she hurt you like that again."

What can I say?

"She's not the only one who's changed." My voice is quiet and I hear the sadness in it even as I speak the words. "I'm not diving into anything head-first, Kate, but life's too short not to take a chance on dipping your toes in the water."

~S~


	39. Chapter 39

**39**

Izzy waves to me from her car as I pull into the space beside her. As she organizes her stuff, I walk around and lean through the open window.

"Hi," I say. She looks up at me, sunshine in her eyes and smile.

"Hey!" she says cheerily. I falter and take a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, I'm going to have to cancel."

Her face falls.

"Is everything okay?" she asks.

"Izzy, are we going to see the deer now? You said when Edward got here," Jimmy calls from the backseat.

"I'm sorry," I say, my voice low and sincere.

"Soon, sweetheart, I'm talking, give me a minute," she calls back with fake cheer, as he groans impatiently.

"I can't…" I sigh in frustration, trying to find the right words. "Kate's not happy."

"She put a stop on you bringing Sasha," she says, staring straight forward through the windshield, all traces of cheeriness, phony or otherwise, gone.

"No," I say sharply, then immediately regretting the tone it slipped out in. "She wouldn't do that, but she doesn't like the idea."

We're both silent for a moment.

"I guess I understand," she says.

"I've been going back and forth over it all week. I was going to come anyway, but this morning I decided it's probably best if we don't. I owe it to Sash to keep things on good terms with her mom."

Izzy nods and drops her head.

"Are you okay?" I ask, feeling bad for being the cause of her change of mood.

"I'm fine," she says, lifting her head and raising her chin resiliently. She looks me in the eye, but despite her words, the light that shone so brightly before, has dimmed.

"I really am sorry."

She nods.

"I don't have her tonight," I say on a whim, my guilt propelling me forward. "You could come round and we could watch a movie or something." I cringe as I realize it sounds like I'm trying to make a date.

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea, you know?" she says.

I think I know, but as much as I'd like to ask her to spell her thoughts out, I'm not about to.

So instead I say, "Yeah, you're right."

I stand up straight.

"Have a good day," I tell her, raising my hand in a small wave as I step away.

"Edward!" she says. I turn. She's leaning out of the window with a small smile for me. "Call me?"

I smile back, the guilt washing away a little.

"I will," I tell her.

~S~


	40. Chapter 40

**40**

"Did you have a good day?" Kate asks when I drop Sasha back at her house.

"We did, we went to see Grandma, didn't we, Sash?" I kiss her tired little face and she snuggles into me.

"Oh? I thought you had other plans," she says as she takes the little girl from me and cuddles her.

"I cancelled them." I don't offer any more, but she's not letting it go.

"Don't tell me you saw sense at last?" she asks, a snarky edge to her tone.

"This isn't like you," I tell her. I'm already tired from the internal battle I've fought all week, I don't have the strength to start again now.

"I guess I have a better memory than you," she says.

"I guess you don't know what it's like to be in love," I shoot back. "But then we both know that, don't we?" This silences her. It's Kate's pragmatic side that's held us apart over the years; love was never convenient enough to embrace.

"Would you have her overnight next Friday?" she asks without warning, head held high. "I have a date and I have no idea what time I'll be home."

"You have a date?"

I don't like this newsflash, however much of a hypocrite it makes me.

"Yes."

"Who is he?"

"None of your goddamn business."

We stand and glare angrily at one another. She's pissed at me and I'm pissed at the both of us; I never wanted this kind of relationship with the mother of my child.

"Friday's fine," I say at last. "Do you want me to pick her up?"

"No, I'll drop her off. Is five thirty okay?"

"No."

She looks taken aback.

"I have a client booked in at five." I explain. "Six thirty's the earliest I can be home."

"Can't you ask your mom to take her for an hour?"

I could, I guess.

"No," I say.

"_You_ are being deliberately difficult," she accuses, keeping her voice low to avoid alarming Sasha, yet failing miserably to keep the venom out of it.

"If he's worth it, he'll understand," I say, patronizingly. She narrows her eyes.

"Are you jealous?" she asks in all seriousness. I laugh loudly, making Sasha jump. Her lower lip begins to tremble. Kate shushes her as she jiggles her up and down.

"You should leave," she says. "I'll text you during the week."

"Fine, I'll look forward to it," I say, sarcasm pooling around my words.

I reach my hands out for Sasha and bring her to my face for a kiss and an '_I love you, baby girl' _and then I hand her back.

I don't say anything to Kate; I just turn and leave.

~S~


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N ~ FFN is being a pain with sending alerts out, they're generally doing nothing, then start going out around 6hrs after I've posted. My posting schedule is in the morning, around 6am UK time during the week - possibly an hour or two later at weekends ;) - so if you're at a loose end, it's always worth popping on to see.**

**Thanks to everybody who is reading, reviewing or supporting this story. I started it with the aim of getting into writing again and it's definitely achieved that. If anybody has enjoyed it along the way, so much the better :)**

**41**

"Hi, it's me," I say. I have no idea why in this age of caller display, I still feel I have to verify my identity.

"Hey." Her voice is quiet and a little huskier than usual.

"Did I wake you?" I ask.

"Yeah, but it's fine. I fell asleep putting Jimmy to bed." I hear her breath stutter loudly for a moment and picture her stretching. "Let me move, I don't want to wake him."

Background noises filter through; rustling, doors opening and closing gently, a TV on low and then silence.

"Ok, we're good," she says. Her voice is louder, but still swaddled by sleep.

"I'm sorry again about today," I say. "Did you have a good time?"

"Yeah, we did. Jimmy loved the mountains."

"I guess it's a little different from Arizona," I say, smiling.

"He's become obsessed with the color green and we spotted some deer just off the trail, so he was happy," she tells me with a small laugh. "How was your day?"

"It started okay and went downhill," I tell her. "I took Sasha to my mom's, then I fought with Kate."

"Over me?" She sounds worried. The old Izzy wouldn't have given a flying fuck whether her actions impacted on other people.

"No, I think we both just had a tough week. She asked me to have Sasha overnight on Friday while she goes on a date."

"A date? Good for her," she says. I'm quiet as I wonder why that wasn't my first sentiment. Probably because of how she threw it at me. "You're not happy about it," Izzy says, reading my silence. It's not a question.

"No," I admit.

"Because of Sasha or because of Kate?" she asks. I've hardly begun to consider my answer when she throws in another option. "Or is it your pathological fear of change?"

She giggles and I'm reminded that our history means she knows things about me that not everybody does. Things that whisper of our intertwined past.

"I don't even know," I admit, laughing softly too as familiarity warms me.

"You're not fifteen anymore, Edward," she says softly. "Do the adult thing, here."

"When did you become the sensible one?" I ask her, my mind flitting back across every irresponsible act she led me into.

"When I held my mom's hand for the last time and promised to look after Jimmy." she says.

"I'm sorry, Iz," I tell her softly, the shortened form of her name slipping as easily from my tongue as it always did.

"Me too," she says with a sigh. "I sometimes wonder if it's God's way of punishing me for all the bad stuff I did," she confesses.

"How long have you believed in God?" I ask teasingly.

"Since so much shit happened that didn't make any sense," she says without humor.

I feel the urge to reach out to her creeping through me, a wave of fear racing right up behind it and washing it away.

"You sound like you could use a friend," I say.

"Are you volunteering?" she asks.

"I'm thinking about it," I say. "I need to make sure I'm not going to get burnt again. I don't forget as easily as I forgive."

She sighs.

"I wish I'd known what I was doing to you at the time."

"You knew," I tell her. "You didn't care."

"I cared; I cared too much, I was just too misguided to deal with it."

Silence again. I have no idea how to react. This conversation goes against every rule of not raking over the past. I feel the ache begin, and just like I always did, I pick at it.

"Tell me something from after you left," I say.

"What do you mean?"

"Something I missed. Tell me something about you that happened while you were gone; something I don't know."

She's quiet.

"Iz?" I prompt, my voice barely above a whisper as I wait. I have no idea why I'm torturing myself like this.

She clears her throat.

"I used to sing How to Save a Life to Jimmy every night to get him to sleep," she whispers. My heartbeat fills the silence in my ears. And then, "Your turn."

I open my eyes and rest my head back against the couch, preparing to trade her secret for one of mine.

"I've never been able to listen to that song since you walked away from me," I tell her.

~S~


	42. Chapter 42

**42**

_I'm sorry about yesterday. My mom will be at my place for 5.30 on Friday for you to drop Sasha off. Have fun x_

I fire the message off to Kate and approximately 30 seconds later, my phone rings. She doesn't even say hi.

"His name's Garrett. He's twenty-eight, divorced and a friend of Carmen's. He's a ranger at the Hoh, I've never been on a date with him before but I've met him a few times and I really like him."

"Okay." I draw the word out as my brain struggles to catch up.

"This is me trying to start yesterday over," she explains. "I'm sorry too, I was out of line. You know I just worry about you, right? I've never had an issue with you dating."

She's right; there haven't been many girls, but she's always been on my side. Our relationship has changed over the years, but the role of 'friend' has always been there, knotted firmly in the strings that hold us together.

"Yeah, I know."

"So we're good?" she asks. I smile, relieved as at least one weight lifts from my shoulders and floats away.

"Yeah, we're good."

~S~


	43. Chapter 43

** A/N - Just because this morning's update was a short one...**

**43**

_Tell me something from after I left._

This has become our new thing. I read the text and try to think of something I've not already told her, crossing off items on a mental list.

_I broke my arm shooting hoops with Emmett._

_I still have the hat you left in my car the last time you were in it._

_I once sat with Rose and watched Grey's Anatomy episodes back-to-back for three days._

_I lived with my dad for six months until he got tired of my pissy moods and threw me out._

I think of something new and type it out.

_I hate white lilies since Em died._

_I'm sorry_, she replies. I'm not dwelling on it now.

_Your turn_, I urge. It takes a while for her to respond.

_I've not had a relationship with a guy since I left Forks._

Given her past, I find this surprising. But then I know responsibility of the short and cute kind has a habit of taking over your life.

I don't reply. Not because I don't want to, but because none of the six or so responses I type in and then delete, seem right. I sigh and drop my phone down next to me. Now I'm worrying how she'll construe my silence, so I pick it up again and decide I'll just move past it.

_What are your plans for this evening?_ I ask.

_Watching TV with my dad. Jimmy's already sleeping._

I pause before I reply. Good idea? Bad idea? I silently scold myself for overthinking everything and respond before I change my mind.

_Do you want to go for a drive? We could head up to Kalaloch?_

I watch the three little circles that tell me she's typing. They disappear and reappear more than once. She's clearly as conflicted as I am. I send another.

_Just as friends, I'm not pushing for anything here._

There's no pause this time.

_Thank you x_

_I'll pick you up?_

_Give me twenty minutes._

~S~


	44. Chapter 44

**44**

Izzy's waiting for me when I pull up outside her dad's house. As she walks to the kerb where I wait, my attention is caught by movement in the living room window. Her dad's watching us. I lift my hand to wave, and although he returns the gesture, there's little enthusiasm in it. I wonder if he's sore at being asked to babysit, or if he has issues with me.

She smiles shyly as she slides into the passenger seat, briefly meeting my eyes as she says hi, and then busying herself with fastening her seatbelt.

She's the same and different all at once. There are things about her I could describe to a stranger, things that haven't changed at all. The color of her hair as it catches the early evening sunlight, the familiar pattern of freckles on her arms and sprinkled across her face, and the frustrated furrow in her brow as she struggles to clip the seatbelt in on the first attempt.

And then there are the things that have changed. She smells different. A subtle perfume floats gently around her and her face has changed shape ever so slightly with age, the definition of her cheeks and jaw changing.

Her eyes are the most altered. In the place of mischief, impulsivity and worldliness, are modesty, caution and restraint.

I force myself to look away. I could happily sit here in the car all evening, just watching her.

"You look nice," I say. I remember when she would have replied that she knew, or maybe just thrown me a wink. This time her cheeks glow a gentle pink and she looks down, tugging on the skirt of the blue cotton sundress.

"Thanks. You do too." She turns her eyes on me. There's nothing complicated or considered about my plain black v-neck tee and jeans. I smile at her and she smiles back, leaning back in her seat.

"I've not really driven out since I got back," she says. "It was a nice idea."

"It's been a while since I came out this way. I always loved it here."

"Yeah," she says. "I remember."

I feel her eyes on me and I risk a glance over at her. She looks deep in thought and I wonder if her mind is in the same place as mine.

~S~


	45. Chapter 45

**A/N - Kalaloch (pronounced Clay-lock) is an incredible place. I've added a few pictures to my FB group, GemmaH Fanfiction, feel free to come and take a look :)  
**

**45**

"Beach first?" I ask, unsure of exactly how much she's changed. She's standing beside the car, her hair blowing gently in the breeze and her face lit up.

"Absolutely! Man, I'd forgotten how much I love the sea." She's looking off toward the horizon but hasn't moved. I grab her hand impulsively and tug her along a few feet before I let her go again. She grins up at me infectiously and I can't help laughing at her enthusiasm.

"Come on!" she giggles, walking faster. "You're too slow!" Breaking into a run, she darts between the log cabins that dot the grass and heads straight for the steps at the end. She squeals as the breeze catches her dress and the skirt billows up, clapping her hands down onto it as she moves to try and bring it under control. Laughing, I run to catch up with her.

Izzy reaches the gazebo that stands above the beach before I do. She kneels on the seat, her hands on the railing as she faces the sea with her face angled up and her eyes closed. I stand beside her, mesmerized.

"I actually feel my age for once," she whispers, smiling serenely and breaking the spell.

"Most days I feel around forty-five," I confess.

Opening her eyes, she catches me watching her. When I look away, I feel an unexpected blush creeping across my face, knocking at least thirty years off the age I just quoted.

"Well you don't look it," she says, grinning happily at me as she stands up. "Come on." She's out of the gazebo again and running lightly down the wide steps that lead to the beach. Shaking my head at her giddiness, I follow her slowly, content to hang back and watch her for a while.

Eventually she pauses on the driftwood-strewn sand to wait for me to catch up.

"I'd forgotten how pre-historic this place looks," she says as we look around. Most of the tree branches and trunks lie here after falling in the forest and being washed down the rivers, out to sea and back in again. They're bleached and beaten by the surf until they look like they're made of bone, not wood.

"It's pretty incredible," I agree.

"Jimmy would love it here," she says as she climbs up onto a long length of discarded trunk and begins to walk along it. She wobbles and takes a moment to balance again.

"Here," I say, offering my hand. Her warm fingers wrap carefully around mine without hesitation, and I walk beside her on the sand, until at the end she peers down tentatively. The trunk is wider at this end, and she's higher than when she started.

"Let me help." Standing in front of her, I reach up and hold onto her waist with both hands, steadying her as she jumps down.

"Thanks." She looks up at me.

"You're welcome."

Izzy smiles shyly and ducks her head and I realize I'm still holding on to her.

"Sorry." I let my hands drop and take a step back.

"Baby-steps, Edward," she says as she turns away.

~S~


	46. Chapter 46

**46**

My mom's car is parked outside the house when I arrive home after dropping Izzy off. She has a key and often calls in to make sure I'm taking care of myself, and even though I'm generally pretty clean and tidy, she can usually find something to busy herself with to make her feel better. I try to let it go as much as I can because I'm all she has left now, and I've recognized she drops by more when she's having a bad day.

I close the front door behind me and head for the kitchen, knowing I'd left a pan to soak and a few other bits out after dinner that she wouldn't be able to resist tidying away.

She's standing motionless beside the phone, with a plate and a cloth in her hands.

"Hi," I say, dropping my keys onto the table and removing my jacket. There's nothing from her, no move toward me for a hug or a kiss.

"You just missed a call," she says. I look down to the blinking light that tells me I have a new message. Mom turns away without a word and crosses back to the sink as I hit the button to play the message back.

"Hi, it's Izzy." Her voice fills the room, as it clearly had just before I walked in. With my back to my mom, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. "I know you won't be home yet and I didn't want to call your cell while you're driving, but I wanted to say thanks for tonight, I had a really nice time. Maybe we can do it again sometime…if you want to, I mean." There's a pause and then, "Bye."

I turn around. Mom's drying the pots roughly, her eyes down, not even offering to meet mine.

"Mom…"

She doesn't stop so I move over to her and place my hands over hers.

"Mom. Stop."

When she finally raises her head to look up at me, there are tears in her eyes.

"That girl," she croaks. "After everything she did to you. You and your brother."

"That was a long time ago, Mom. She's been raising her little brother since her mother died, she's completely different."

"She was always out for what she could get. She probably sees you as an easy target to help raise the child," she spits out, her face heavy with revulsion.

"That's not fair," I insist, fighting to stay calm.

"Isn't it? You never could say no to her, you silly boy. She knows that."

The anger that has been balling up in my chest, begins to spark as her words hit home. How dare she call me a silly boy? Everybody's quick to judge and insinuate I'm naive, but I seem to be the only one with the maturity to give Izzy a chance.

"Enough, Mom," I demand. "I can understand your concerns, but I won't be spoken to like that."

As I step away from her, she grabs my arm and turns me back around.

"Why can't you just make things work with Kate? You could be a proper mom and dad for Sasha," she pleads.

Ah. This again.

"Because Kate and I don't love each other like that. We're no worse parents because we live apart. You know all this, we've been over and over it. We're never going to be together and the sooner you can accept that, the better for everyone."

Letting go of my arm, she aims a glare at me, turns and leaves.

As the front door slams shut behind her, I sigh and lean back against the counter. I guess that's another apology I'll be expected to make.

~S~


	47. Chapter 47

**47**

**Tell me something.**

The reply bubble appears almost straight away, showing me she's typing, but the reply itself is slow to materialize. When it finally does, I understand her hesitation.

When my mom got really sick, my step-dad started drinking. I left with Jimmy when he broke my wrist.

I'm still staring at the words when she sends something else through.

Your turn.

**You can't tell me something like that, then just skip past it,** I type.

What else is there to say?

**Does your dad know?**

You really think he'd be a free man if he did? No, just you.

**The authorities?**

We came to an arrangement, Phil signed guardianship of Jimmy over to me and I didn't report him.

**What about his new girlfriend? Izzy, you have to tell someone.**

He's been sober for eighteen months now. He only ever hit me when he was drunk.

**You think that makes it ok?**

It is what it is. Jimmy & I are safe & that's where my priorities lie. I won't apologize for how things are.

I'm at a loss for words. On the one hand I can see why she did things the way she did, but on the other I'm mad as hell her step-dad's walking free and unpunished. I've still not replied when she sends another text.

Your turn.

I go with the change of topic this time, for now at least.

**I was pulled over by your dad for speeding, but he let me off when he saw it was me.**

He always did like you.

**He thought I was a sucker.**

Haha! Yeah, I guess he did. He respected you for sticking around though.

**He was the only one who did. The rest of them are still giving me the same lectures now.**

Who?

**Kate a little. My mom a lot.**

She hates me.

**She worries.**

She doesn't need to worry. I promise x

~S~


	48. Chapter 48

**48**

"Edward? Edward!" Rosalie's voice is shaky, laced with panic and verging on hysteria.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Glancing up at the clock on the office wall I see it's three fifty-five. I have a client due any minute. She doesn't answer right away, but I can hear her heavy breaths and strangled sobs. My heart pounds as I realize something's very wrong.

"I got away but I know he's going to try to find me and I'm scared he'll kill me."

"Who?" I ask, wading through the thick clouds of confusion that fill my head.

"Royce."

"Royce?"

"He locked me in the house, but he left to go to the store and I got out." The pitch of her voice is rising as she rushes through the words. "He'll be back any time and he'll be looking for me and I'm scared he's going to kill me. Edward, he's crazy!" The sounds she's making are breaking my heart as I try and think of a solution.

"Shit, Rose, I'm at work. Even if I leave now I can't get to you for at least an hour."

Rose's parents are out of state and I'm her closest friend, although even I've not seen much of her in recent weeks.

"I can't think, I can't…" Her breathing is loud and fast and I realize she's letting anxiety get the better of her.

"Rose, you have to slow your breathing down, do you hear me? You can't help yourself if you're panicking."

"Okay…okay." I can hear she's trying to get it back under control.

"Alright. You need to call nine-one-one and tell them where you are."

"I don't know what street I'm on, I just ran," she wails.

"Rose, just knock on a door, somebody will help you."

My office phone begins to buzz as Charlotte on reception tries to call through.

I'm thinking over various options in my head. My mom's out of town for a few days visiting her sister, Kate has taken Sasha out on a playdate and my dad will be at work.

"Wait! I see a sign, I'm on Eighth Avenue."

An idea hits me.

"Rose, you're right around the corner from Chief Swan's house on K street. If he's not home, I'm sure Izzy will be. I'm going to call her and tell her to keep a look out for you, okay? It's seven-seven-five K Street. You think you can find it?"

"I'll try," she says, tears breaking through again.

"I'll be there as soon as I can," I promise.

~S~


	49. Chapter 49

**49**

Standing in the doorway to Chief Swan's living room, I lay my eyes on Rose for the first time as she sits huddled on the couch with Izzy's arm around her. My mouth drops open and I curse loudly, announcing my presence. The girls both turn their heads to look, and the moment she sees me, Rose's bruised and cut face crumples as she breaks down.

Sitting gently on her other side, I lift my hand to her cheek and trace a laceration, my finger hovering just above the skin. She still winces and a tight ball of fury spins in my chest.

"That son of a bitch, when I see him—"

"Edward!" I turn at the barking voice. The chief stands just inside the doorway, full uniform on. "My men are out looking for him. Do not take the law into your own hands, you hear me, son?"

I say nothing. I won't make promises I can't keep.

"C'mere," I whisper to Rose, pulling her in and cradling her against my chest as she lets some of the emotion of her ordeal out.

My eyes meet Izzy's over her head. "Thank you," I say. She offers a small, tight smile of acknowledgement as she stands.

"I'll be back soon," she says, slipping quietly out of the room as I realize she's giving us a little space.

"Are you okay?" I ask as Rosalie pushes herself off me and sits up straight. I reach forward to grab a Kleenex from the box on the coffee table and hand it to her, watching as she carefully dabs at her swollen eyes. She nods.

"They want me to go the hospital to get checked out. I said I'd go when you got here." Her voice is croaky from the crying and her chest still spasms in hiccoughing breaths.

"I'm sorry I couldn't come straight away," I tell her, gently squeezing her hand.

"That's okay. Izzy took care of me, then she called her dad and he came straight over." Rose offers me a small smile.

My thoughts flit to Izzy and I wonder how she's feeling, having to deal with this so soon after she opened up to me about her own experiences.

~S~


	50. Chapter 50

**50**

When Rose gets up to use the bathroom, I go to look for Izzy. Her dad's in the backyard, speaking on his radio and she watches him through the window, her back to me.

"How are you?" I ask, keeping my voice soft in case she hasn't heard me approach. I stand close behind her.

"Honestly? Sickened."

Pushing my doubts away, I bravely wrap myself around her, trying to offer a little comfort as she holds onto my arms to secure me in place for several long moments.

"Tell me something," she says, fatigue muddying her voice.

"Rose was always your biggest critic. When you…" I change my mind, unable to voice it. "I mean, there were times she'd have happily ripped your head from your body with her bare hands."

Izzy stills in my arms.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because tonight when she told me how you helped her, she smiled. She's the first person to make any kind of positive acknowledgment."

She relaxes again and I feel her hands squeezing me.

"I'm glad; I could really do with a few more allies. Fighting alone all the time gets exhausting."

Her dad finishes on his radio and heads back for the house, and we slowly unfurl from each other and take a step apart.

"They've picked up King at his place. I'm going back to the station, make sure everything's done by the book. I don't want him having any excuse for getting away with this." He turns to Izzy. "Will you be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I'll call Sue and ask if she'll keep Jimmy a while longer while we take Rose to get checked over." She turns to me. "Jimmy's at Dad's friend Sue's place in La Push, she explains. "I usually pick him up around now, but I'm sure she won't mind hanging on to him for me."

"You don't have to change your plans," I tell her. "I'll take Rose, we'll be fine."

"It's no trouble, really," she insists. "And she may need a girlfriend there, you know?" She gives me this look, and it takes a moment, but suddenly the meaning behind her words clicks into place.

"Oh, man, he didn't?" I'm pacing the small kitchen, one hand in my hair, gripping tightly. "That mother-fucking son-of-a-bitch. I swear to God…" My words tail off as Rose appears in the doorway, arms wrapped tightly around herself.

"I'm ready," she says, and everything about her seems smaller; her voice, her height, her spirit.

I peel my hoodie off and go to her, wrapping her up in it until I'm satisfied she's properly cocooned. With my arm around her, I look to Izzy to see if she's ready too. The way she's looking at me nearly knocks me off my feet. She's softness and fondness and big, affectionate brown eyes.

And just like that, of all her unexpected moments, she's got me.

~S~


	51. Chapter 51

**51**

Rose, understandably, doesn't want to go home after we're done at the hospital. We collect a sleeping Jimmy from La Push and drop him and Izzy back home, where Izzy throws some items in a bag for Rose to borrow, then I drive her to my place.

"If you want to sleep in my room, you can," I tell her, as she pauses at the door of the guest room, fingers hovering over the door handle.

"You don't mind?" she asks.

"Of course I don't mind."

"Will you stay with me?" Fear, so foreign an emotion to Rose, is all over her voice and her face. A surge of anger burns through me for Royce.

"Whatever you want," I tell her gently.

We click the bedroom TV on and Rose showers and changes while I make us something to eat. I fetch extra pillows and blankets and make a nest on the bed. She manages to look a little more relaxed when she comes to find me in the kitchen with my hoodie back on over the pajamas she borrowed from Izzy.

"I hope you don't mind," she says, pulling at the front. I smile and shake my head.

"Don't be stupid, why would I mind?"

A wince of discomfort creases her face and she holds onto her ribs as she sits down on one of the wooden kitchen chairs.

"Fuck formality," I say. "Come on, we'll eat in the bedroom." I pick the two plates up and nod for her to go on ahead.

Once dinner is done and Rose has relaxed a little, she turns her attention to me.

"So…"

I switch my eyes from the TV screen to her.

"So, what?"

"Izzy seems…different."

"Yes, she does," I state. She persists in looking at me. "What?"

"You're smiling."

"I'm sorry, is that a crime?" I tease.

"No, but it's very telling. You're as easy to read as a book sometimes."

"You think I'm an idiot." It's not a question, but she addresses it anyway.

"No, I don't. I'll admit I did, but after today I can kind of understand why you'd think about taking a chance with her again. Do they do personality transplants in Arizona or something?"

"Ha! I wish they did, I can think of a few more people who'd benefit from one right now."

"Let me guess, Mama Cullen's trying to push you back to Kate again?"

"Not only that, she was here when Izzy called and left a message. She's not a happy woman."

"Take it easy on her, E. We all watched that girl break you apart and you're still Esme's baby. It makes sense she wants to protect you."

"I know." I scratch at the soft cotton of the covers.

"And you and Kate do make beautiful babies."

"We do," I admit with a smile. "But that's not reason enough to try and live together."

"And what reason's good enough to put yourself out there again for Izzy?" she asks.

"I'm beyond reason," I admit. "She's just…_it_."

~S~


	52. Chapter 52

**52**

"Oh, hi!"

Izzy stands on the doorstep with Jimmy beside her.

"I thought I'd call and see how Rosalie is," she says, her expression almost apologetic.

"Sure, come on in." I stand back and let them by, ruffling Jimmy's hair as he passes. "Hey, dude, how are you?"

"I'm good," he says, raising a smile from me. "I've never been to your house before."

"Well you're welcome anytime," I tell him.

Izzy smiles at me.

"Sorry, my dad's working."

"No, it's fine," I reassure her.

Rosalie sits up on the couch as we enter the living room, a blanket swimming about her legs and covering her to the waist.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Izzy asks her as she takes a seat in an armchair.

"Achy, tired and fragile," she says. "I didn't sleep too well."

She'd woken trembling and anxious just about every hour through the night. We were both exhausted.

Jimmy stands beside Bella and interrupts her at least three times in a row as she tries to speak with Rose.

"Jimmy, why don't we go and see if we can find some cookies in the kitchen?" I say, standing. Izzy looks at me gratefully.

"Yay! Cookies!" Jimmy cheers as he does an excited dance.

"Hey!" Izzy places her hand on his arm. "Calm down, or you won't be having _any_ cookies," she tells him seriously.

"Okay," he sighs and walks calmly behind me, running past as soon as we're out of her sight.

We've placed some cookies on a plate and Jimmy already has one halfway to his mouth, when the doorbell rings.

"Hi!" Kate greets me warmly as she steps across the threshold carrying Sasha.

"Hey!" I scoop Sasha up into my arms as she leans dangerously out for me as Kate passes. "This is a nice surprise, what brings you here?" I'm looking at Sasha, so it takes me a moment to register that Kate is silent. I switch my gaze to hers and find her looking at me, unimpressed.

"Ah, shit! You asked me to watch her this afternoon, didn't you?"

"Will you please watch your language," Kate scolds. "And you did say it was okay."

"Edward? Could I…"

Kate's eyes fix on the owner of the voice behind me.

"Huh. Well, I guess that explains why you were distracted enough to forget you were supposed to be looking after your daughter today."

"Hi, Kate." Izzy greets her, despite having to have heard the snarky comment she just made.

"Hi," Kate says, her voice clipped.

"It has nothing to do with Izzy," I say to Kate, my voice low. I turn to look at Izzy again, but she's already made herself scarce. With the look on Kate's face, I can't say I blame her.

~S~


	53. Chapter 53

**53**

"Is that your baby?" Jimmy has appeared from the kitchen. I turn and smile at him.

"Yeah, this is Sasha." I place her on the floor, holding her steady for a moment while she finds her balance. "Would you take her through to the living room for me?"

"Sure," he says.

"I really don't think—" Kate begins, before I cut her off with a sharp glare.

Sasha walks unsteadily toward Jimmy, and he giggles loudly when she sways and lands on her butt, before getting up again. Taking her hand, he guides her in the right direction. He's a sweet kid.

"Really, Edward?" Kate hisses. I turn my full attention to her.

"Royce turned on Rosalie," I explain. "She's in a bad way and he's in jail. Izzy helped out when Rose was stuck yesterday and she just called round to see how she is today. I didn't even know she was coming. So before you start bitching at me, please don't, because it's been a really tough twenty-four hours, okay?"

Kate's mouth drops open.

"Oh my God! Is she okay?"

"You can come and see for yourself if you promise to play nicely," I tell her, satisfied when she at least has the decency to look embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, I just thought—"

"It doesn't matter." I reason if the situation were reversed, I'd have jumped to the wrong conclusion too. "But I wish you'd give her a chance, Kate. She's really trying, here."

"Okay, I'll try," she acquiesces.

"Thank you."

The atmosphere in the living room is warmed by the fact Jimmy has dragged Sasha's toy-box into the middle of the rug and they're sitting side-by-side, laughing as Jimmy presses buttons and turns dials, to make characters jump out of doors on one of the toys. Each time one pops out, Jimmy fake-squeals and Sasha giggles harder, until everyone in the room has a genuine smile on their face.

"Oh my gosh, she's so adorable!" Izzy exclaims, as Sasha's giggles bring on a bout of hiccups.

"Thanks," Kate replies, turning her smile on Izzy. I reach down and squeeze Kate's hand, smiling gratefully as I acknowledge her efforts. I know how she feels and I know this isn't easy for her.

Kate moves away, leaning down to hug Rose, and sitting down beside her to catch up.

I catch Izzy's eye across the room. She looks happy, but unsure, as though she thinks everyone could turn on her in a moment.

"Are you okay?" I mouth. She nods and looks down to Jimmy where he still plays happily with Sasha. I look too, and wonder if her head is in the same place as mine.

~S~


	54. Chapter 54

**54**

Watching interaction between children who have never even met before can be eye opening. These two have none of the social hang-ups we develop as we grow. They're comfortable to touch and to talk. Well, in Jimmy's case at least; Sasha's not saying too much yet. They play with an ease we lose. Happy to explore together and content to sit side-by-side, doing their own thing.

Despite Izzy's frequent statements that she must be in the way and should leave, I manage to keep her here long enough for Sasha and Rose to need a nap and Jimmy to be engrossed in the sandbox in the backyard. Happy we can still see Jimmy play, we move into the kitchen together to grab a drink.

Being around Izzy all day has gradually lit enough nerve endings in my body to make my stomach turn gentle, lolloping flips and my fingertips tingle. As I catch her looking at me again, I've no idea if I'm just more aware of her, or if the frequency of her glances in my direction has really increased. Either way, there's no denying I'm beginning to burn for her.

"It's been nice having you both around today," I tell her. We're standing side-by-side at the sink, watching through the window as Jimmy fills and pours with the sand.

"We've enjoyed it too. Sasha's just adorable, I could take her home with me." She smiles, her face alight; happy and relaxed. It takes me back to the carefree days of our younger teens, and if I had my way, she'd look like this all the time.

The house is quiet, the steady tick of the wall clock and birdsong drifting in from outside, the only sounds.

Impulsively, and because I feel like my body may just spark and explode if I don't act, I turn and take a step away from the window, wrapping my fingers around Izzy's hand and pulling her with me, until I hit the counter on the other side. She's smiling as she tilts her head curiously at me, and I'm pretty sure the smile I can't conceal in return, has devilment written all over it.

"I'm trying so hard to keep a respectable distance, but I think I just reached the limit of my abilities," I say, catching hold of her waist with both hands. She laughs lightly as she looks down, her fingers hovering unsurely, close enough to my chest that I can feel the warmth of her hands through the fabric of my t-shirt.

I still, watching her as she clearly fights some kind of internal conflict. Finally she places her hands on me and raises her head. The smile has gone, and all traces of relaxation have been replaced with something that resembles determination. A surge so powerful I feel I want to absorb her into me, pushes through my body and my breath quickens as she shifts forward.

"Tell, me something," she says, her face mere inches away and her eyes burning into mine.

"I'm past telling," I say, moving closer still. "Let me show you."

~S~


	55. Chapter 55

**55**

My lips touch hers and it feels like moments ago and a lifetime before, all at once. Familiar, long-forgotten, exciting and _holy-shit-what-the-hell-am-I-doing?_ terrifying.

There's hesitation on both parts; I move, she retreats, she shifts toward me, I back off.

And then she runs her tongue along my lip and all coherent thought vanishes.

We're timeless as we sink, clinging to one another.

"Izzy!" The high-pitched yell from the backyard brings us shooting back to the surface. Our mouths fall away from one another as I sigh and rest my forehead against hers.

"I guess this was never going to be straight-forward," I say.

"I guess not," she says, a far-away look on her face. "I'd better go see what he wants."

In an unapologetically cheesy gesture, I hold her hand until our arms are at full stretch. They finally break apart as she pulls away, shaking her head as she walks out through the door into the backyard.

I wander back to the window and watch her as she crouches beside Jimmy and brushes the sand from his hands. She's talking to him, but her words are lost to my ears. Finally she leans in to kiss his head and stands. I find it incredible that she turned her whole life around just for him. That has to deserve a huge amount of kudos, especially when your course was as skewed as hers.

"He was wondering where his drink was," she says as she re-enters the kitchen and moves to pass me.

I reach out, feeling reassured enough to be bolder. Backing her up to the refrigerator door, I lean down.

Her hands come up to my chest and hold me off.

"Edward." Her eyes refuse to meet mine and my stomach plummets.

She's pushing me away.

~S~


	56. Chapter 56

**56**

"What?" I dip my head to try and catch her eye. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, not at all. It's just, I…" She sighs and takes a step to the side, away from me. "I'm not sure."

I turn and slump against the refrigerator in her place.

"I'm not sure either," I admit defensively. "Fuck, if I think too hard about any of this, I'll be running away faster than you'd believe I could move. But to hell with thinking it through; it felt right to me."

"I'm not saying never," she says, her voice shaking slightly. "Just maybe not today."

"Is this how it's going to be?" I demand, my adult confidence shedding away at her rebuff, to leave the scarred teenage boy within on display. "Because I've been here before, Izzy; where you keep me hanging around the edges of your life with no intention of letting me in."

She winces, but I can't hold any of this back, it's been too long coming. "I'd rather you were honest with me now, than let me make the same mistakes again. I thought things were different. I thought you'd changed."

Tears track their way down both of her cheeks and a pang of guilt hits me hard, mixing sickeningly with the fear I'm also harbouring.

"I have changed." Her voice is barely more than a whisper. "And that's why I'm asking you to stop. This isn't me anymore; stealing kisses while the kids are around; when they could walk in any minute. Don't you see? This isn't just about _us_ now. Any decision we make has an impact, however small, on at least two other lives. _ I'm_ not reckless these days, you probably couldn't actually class me as anything less than excessively cautious. In fact, if you knew anything about the way I am now, you'd realize the way I've been behaving around you these past few weeks, is the most rash I've been in years. So say what you like to me, but don't ever accuse me of not having changed. Because that's bullshit."

I stand, one hand shoved into my hair, gripping tightly as she wipes fiercely at her wet cheeks and marches outside. She diligently helps Jimmy tidy the sand toys away and puts the cover back over the sandbox before she walks him back inside.

"What do you say to Edward?" she says, the tone of her voice completely even and normal as she stops him in front of me. She's good.

"Thank you," he says, completely oblivious that anything has gone on.

"You're welcome," I tell him, still too shell-shocked to offer much more in the way of small talk.

"I'm sorry," I say to her. Jimmy looks between Izzy and me and she shakes her head. I get it. _Not now._

"Call me in a couple of days," she says, leaning in to kiss my cheek before she goes to gather their things.

I stay in the kitchen, head in my hands at the table until I hear the front door close.

"What the fuck happened now?"

I look up at Rose.

"A misunderstanding. I hope."

~S~


	57. Chapter 57

**A little extra update :)**

**57**

I wait three days just to be sure. I kind of hope she might reach out to me when she's not heard anything, but she doesn't and I eventually cave.

**_Tell me something._**

_We're back to telling?_

**_You're welcome to show me something ;)_**

_There was a time you wouldn't even had to have asked._

**_Yeah, yeah, I get it. You've changed._**

_Ah, the message got through :)_

**_I'm sorry._**

_Stop._

**_Tell me something._**

_I'm scared._

**_Of?_**

_Of doing this with you. Taking that extra step._

**_You want to just leave things as they are?_**

_I'm not sure that's possible. It's forward or back._

**_All or nothing you mean?_**

_I'm scared of all._

**_Nothing's not an option._**

_We're going in circles, E._

**_Come over, we'll talk._**

_My cousin's in town, I'm kind of tied up. We're eating at the diner tomorrow night, you should join us._

**_I don't know …_**

_Let's take a step back; regroup._

**_I guess._**

_Come along tomorrow, 7pm x_

**_I'll think about it & let you know x_**

~S~


	58. Chapter 58

**58**

I'm on the verge of declining the dinner invitation the next day, fearing it to have been a spur of the moment pity invite, when Izzy texts again, urging me to come along.

They're already seated, perusing the menu when I arrive.

"Hey!" Izzy smiles widely, and I'm finally convinced I wasn't an unwanted afterthought.

"Hi," I slide into the seat beside her and smile at the girl sitting across from her. She looks a lot like Izzy, but her hair is a few inches shorter and a couple of shades lighter and her eyes are a pretty blue-green.

"This is my cousin, Marie," Izzy introduces us. "Marie, this is Edward."

"Hi, pleased to meet you." She holds out her hand and I reach across to shake it.

"Hi, you too."

Her skin is soft as her hand slides out of grasp … and it's that thought right there that suddenly clues me in. I find this girl attractive. Not as an observation, turn your head on the street kind of attractive, but as a pit-of-the-stomach feeling. I rationalize it's because she looks so similar to Izzy, but the whole thing still sits uneasily with me.

Izzy and Marie keep the conversation flowing easily, while I eat quietly, offering answers and snippets of thought, but mainly trying to keep the fact I feel hyper-aware of Marie's presence, a tightly bound secret. I fight the urge to stare at her constantly, although I let myself look at her as she speaks and steal glances in between.

"Are you okay? You're pretty quiet," Izzy asks when Marie goes to the bathroom.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I insist. My best efforts to act normal, are clearly failing.

"You don't like Marie." Izzy says it as a statement, obvious disappointment clouding around the words.

"No! I do, she's nice," I throw back quickly.

"I'm sorry we haven't had a chance to speak alone yet." She's angled toward me and I take in the familiar features that seem better proportioned on Marie's face. I slap the thought away, hating myself for it. "We'll sort this out, I promise." She takes my hand and squeezes it as my eyes follow Marie back from the bathroom.

"Don't worry about it. It's fine." I offer a small smile that seems to appease her.

~S~


	59. Chapter 59

**59**

Dessert arrives as Izzy's phone rings.

"That was my dad," she explains as she ends the call. "Jimmy has a fever, we're going to have to leave. Sorry." She opens her purse to reach for her wallet.

"Can't I stay?" Marie asks. "Edward could run me home?"

Both girls look at me.

"Uh, yeah, no worries." I say, rather than the I'm really not sure that's a good idea, that I'm yelling in my head.

"Are you sure?" Izzy asks, looking from one to the other of us.

"Of course, it's fine. And I've got this." I place my hand over Izzy's and push her wallet back down into her purse.

"Thanks." She pauses, then leans across and kisses my cheek. "I'll see you later."

She leaves and I lean back in my chair, taking a sip from my coffee as Marie digs her spoon into the chocolate cake Izzy insisted she ordered.

"Oh my God, she was right, this is amazing!" she gasps, her hand covering her mouth. I grin at the ecstatic look on her face. "Seriously, have you tried this?"

"No," I admit.

She loads her spoon up and offers it diagonally across the table to me. I hold my hand up. "I'm fine, really."

"Try it," she demands, her face serious as she jabs the spoon back toward me. I tilt my head in resignation and take it from her. She nods encouragingly as I pause with the spoon in front of my mouth, before I eat it.

She's so right.

"Fuck, that's good," I say, groaning quietly. Marie holds her hand out for her spoon and I hold it close to my body as I scoot across into Izzy's chair and pull the cake into the middle.

"Hey!" She's smiling, despite her protests.

"Get your own spoon," I tell her, digging in. She kicks me under the table. "This gets better with every bite," I say, teasing her.

She leans forward in her chair.

"Give. Me. The. Spoon."

I take another mouthful, unable to suppress the laugh that bursts out.

"No."

"Motherfucker."

It's the last thing I was expecting to come from those pretty lips and the shock makes me laugh louder. She takes the opportunity to reach over and grab the spoon from my hand.

"Ha!" She's triumphant and glowing until I snatch the plate and pull it so it sits right in front of me, raising an eyebrow in challenge.

"Come and get it if you dare," I say.

"Oh, I dare."

Marie slowly leans right over, her eyes never leaving mine as she approaches. She's still some distance away when I realize how this must look, and suddenly feeling as awkward as hell, I look away and lean back. I only notice the plate's gone when she sits back down with it in front of her.

"You're just too easy," she throws at me.

"Apparently so," I mutter.

~S~


	60. Chapter 60

**60**

"It's too bad Izzy had to leave early, we were going to drive out to the beach after dinner," Marie says as she fastens her seatbelt.

"Oh. I …." I hesitate.

"Oh!" Her expression is one of horror as she realizes what she said "It wasn't a hint, I didn't mean …." She looks down, obviously embarrassed. I feel bad for her.

"No, it's fine. We can do that if you like?" My initial reluctance still weighs on me, but I hate to see her feeling so uncomfortable.

"You really don't have to. I promise it wasn't what I was getting at."

"I know," I say, smiling to try and make her feel better.

My anxieties around Marie at the beginning of the evening, I decided, were more about Izzy and whether she would recognize the turmoil I was in over her cousin.

The time I've spent with Marie this evening has been far from uncomfortable.

It's uncomplicated because we don't have a history to define us or give us expectations and fears. It's unexpected because neither of us knows the other well enough to know how they'll react to anything. It's easy, because we seem to have some kind of rapport.

And of course, when I stop to think about it, it's also terrifying, because you have to add all of the above to the fact I'm in some kind of currently indefinable relationship with her cousin.

~S~


	61. Chapter 61

**61**

I drive to First Beach and pull up in the parking lot, telling her what scanty Quileute history of the landmarks I can remember.

"Can we get out of the car?" she asks when I'm done.

"Sure, if you want to." The light is changing, pale pinks and oranges washing over the grey-blue of the sky.

We walk along the beach, picking over the driftwood that litters it.

"I know all about you and Izzy," Marie tells me, breaking the silence. "We're pretty close. She told me everything that happened when you were at school."

"Really?" I ask.

"She said she was a class-A bitch to you."

"Did she give you the details of that?" I ask.

"She told me a lot of stuff."

"Everything?"

"How would I know? I wasn't there!" She laughs and shoves me with her shoulder.

"I don't really want to talk about the past. She's not that girl anymore."

"Uh-oh. I guess I hit a nerve."

"You have no idea." I stare out at the sea.

"It can't have been all that bad if you're still friends," she says, as I turn and catch her watching me.

"Yeah, I can see why you'd think that, but trust me, it was."

She laughs.

"What?" I ask.

"I don't know what to think of you," she says, tucking her hair behind her ears. "You're quiet one minute and flirty the next, laughing then deadly serious, friends with my cousin but then telling me how awful she was to you." She shakes her head but the smile remains. "You're kind of fascinating."

I stop walking and Marie carries on for a couple of steps, then turns. She's watching me expectantly and finally laughs, throwing her arms up in the air.

"You see? What are you doing now?"

"Kind of fascinating?"

"Yes! Don't over-think it; come on." She turns and walks away and I follow.

Half way along the beach, Marie sits down on an old washed-up tree trunk. I drop down beside her, watching the birds wheel around in the sky.

"I left my jacket in Izzy's car," she says, shifting along so her arm is pressed against mine.

"Let's head back if you're cold," I say, my own exposed arms feeling the chill too.

"It's so nice here, I want to stay a while." She pouts and I laugh.

"Does that face usually gets you your own way," I say. She drops it and grins at me.

"Of course."

"How did I guess?"

"Would you keep me warm?" she asks cheekily.

"I … uh …."

She cracks up laughing.

"I only meant like this!" She pulls my arm around her shoulder and moves in as close to me as she can. It feels nice. And completely wrong.

"Marie." I sigh and begin to move. She catches the hand that drapes over her shoulder and holds it in place.

"Edward, relax. This is literally only about shared body heat. Trust me."

I do as she says and try to relax, but even though I'm not technically doing anything wrong, I know Izzy would be upset if she saw us like this. The guilt I feel about her sits heavily in my stomach.

"What are you and Izzy now?" she asks, when we've sat in silence for a while. "To one another, I mean."

"I don't know," I murmur, my arm still sitting across her shoulders, and my fingers absentmindedly playing with her hand where she still holds onto me. "We're two steps forward and three back. A fairy-tale ending or a disaster waiting to happen. Take your pick, because I have no idea."

~S~


	62. Chapter 62

**62**

When I drop Marie off, Izzy comes out to the car.

"How's Jimmy?" I ask as she slides into the seat beside me and pulls the door closed.

"He's okay, I gave him some Tylenol and he's sleeping now."

I nod.

"Thanks for staying with Marie," she says. I look at her and she's watching me closely.

"It's fine. She's a nice girl; good company," I say honestly.

"You were longer than I thought you'd be."

"She said you'd planned to drive out to the beach after dinner so I said I'd take her instead."

Izzy looks down at her lap. I sigh loudly.

"Look, do you have something to say? Only I have the feeling you're getting at something here."

She raises her head and looks me squarely in the eye.

"I saw the way you were looking at her all through dinner," she says.

I let my head drop back against the seat.

"Izzy, nothing happened."

"You like her though."

"Yeah, she's nice, I said that."

"I mean you _like her, _like her."

I rub my hands down my face in exasperation and turn in my seat to face her.

"Izzy, she's your _cousin_. You really think I'd do that to you?"

"I did it to you," she says, her voice barely audible.

"Yeah, and it hurt like fuck. There's no way, Iz."

She stares straight ahead.

"Don't be mad at me," I say. "If I hurt your feelings, I'm sorry, I was kind of blindsided tonight."

"Me too."

"She reminds me of you. A lot. Only without the shitty past hanging over us."

"It always comes back to this," she says, dabbing at her eyes with her sleeve.

"I'm doing my best. Some days are fine, but others it leaps up in my face and rips a chunk out of me."

"I don't know if we're just wasting our time here." She looks away from me, out of the window to her right.

"Maybe we both need some time out," I say. "I feel like we've got ourselves in knots already. I need time to unravel everything and start over."

"Whatever. I'm kind of tired." She reaches for the door catch and I reach for her.

"Hey, I never said I was giving up," I tell her, an unexpected bubble of panic at her sudden laissez-faire attitude, rising within me.

"I know," she says, shrugging me off as she opens the door. "I need to check on Jimmy. Goodnight."

She climbs out and closes the door behind her and the living room curtain moves aside. Marie lifts her hand in a wave that I return, but my eyes linger this time on Izzy as she walks back inside the house.

~S~


	63. Chapter 63

**63**

"How was your night?" Rose is curled up on my couch watching TV.

"Don't even ask," I say, flopping down into the armchair beside her.

"Wow, as good as that?"

I look at her.

"You'll kick my ass."

"What the hell did you do?" she asks, sitting up.

"Izzy caught me looking at her cousin."

"As in _checking her out_?" she asks.

"I guess."

She looks at me in disbelief.

"You didn't?"

I groan.

"I didn't mean to. Then Izzy had to leave early because Jimmy was sick. Marie asked if I'd drive her home if she stayed and then we took a detour via La Push—"

Rose is ready to interrupt, so I raise my voice to make my point. "Where nothing happened! I took Marie home and Izzy came and called me out on it all, including why we'd taken so long."

"So you told her you'd taken a drive with the cousin she caught you checking out?"

"When you put it like that it doesn't sound good," I admit.

Rose shakes her head.

"I actually had no idea you could be so stupid," she says. "Poor Izzy."

"Well there are two words I never thought I'd hear you say."

"Yeah? Well here are four more: Edward, you're a douche."

"If it helps, I completely agree."

"It doesn't help Izzy much," she says. "How did you leave things?"

"I told her I thought we needed some time out."

Rose scoffs.

"Yeah, that's going to have helped the situation. '_Hey Izzy, I took a drive with your cousin, who you totally caught me checking out, and now I'm thinking maybe a relationship with you isn't such a good idea'._ Good job, Casanova."

"As helpful as this is, I'm just going to go to bed." I stand and stretch. "Where are you sleeping tonight?" I ask Rose.

"I thought I'd go for the guest room," she says. "I'd hate for you to inadvertently charm me and get yourself into another mess."

"Funny. Goodnight, Rose."

I have a feeling sleep won't be coming easily tonight.

~S~


	64. Chapter 64

**64**

"Things are going really well with Garrett," Kate tells me excitedly. I'll admit she's been different since she's been dating him. She's a little brighter and more laidback and definitely happier. "I was wondering if you wanted to meet him. Maybe you and Izzy could come out for dinner with us if we get a sitter for Sasha?"

"Ah." I shove my hands in my pockets. "I'm not seeing Izzy at the moment. Things were getting a little … complicated, so we're taking some time out."

"I thought you two were the king and queen of complicated?" Kate says.

"Yeah, I guess that's why I'm trying to avoid it now. I'm hoping it's only temporary though, I'm really starting to miss her," I admit.

It's been almost three weeks since I saw her and we've only exchanged texts twice, which basically consisted of me asking her how she is and her replying she's fine. Truth be told, I'm beginning to feel a little uneasy about her lack of response.

I've analysed my reaction to Marie over and over and I come to the same conclusion each time; that it was a combination of her reminding me of Izzy and the novelty of not having to watch everything each other does and says with the fear of putting a foot wrong. Besides trying to figure out what the hell I was thinking, Izzy has been the only girl on my mind ever since, and I figure this is a good sign. From my point of view, at least. I have no idea how _she's_ feeling. For all I know she may never want to set eyes on me again.

Rose had sat me down, levered all of my feelings out of me and told me in no uncertain terms that I needed to sort my shit out.

"As much as you want to force a lid on it, I think you have to sit and discuss the past with Izzy," she told me. "You haven't laid it to rest in any way and it's going to end up exploding out and creating a huge mess with too many casualties."

I know that she's right.

The more time that passes, the more regret I feel over what happened. Without me realizing, it seems Izzy had burrowed the beginnings of a new tunnel into my heart, the emptiness of which is beginning to bother me in her absence.

When Kate leaves the room, I pull my phone out and send Izzy a text.

_**Can we talk?**_

_I'm out of town for a few days._

Her reply throws me. I want to know the who, what, when, where and why about that single sentence. I manage to stop myself from demanding answers; trying to keep the pressure of her.

_**When you get back then?**_

_Can I let you know?_

_**Sure.**_

I sit and tap my phone against my knee for a couple of minutes before curiosity gets the better of me.

_**Where are you?**_

_I'm at SeaTac, Phil asked me to take Jimmy to visit._

_**On your own?**_

_Just me & J, yes._

My heart is pounding as I hit _call_ on my phone. It goes straight to voicemail.

"Fuck!"

I send a message.

_**Izzy, do not get on that plane. Remember what Phil did to you?**_

Nothing.

I grab my jacket and keys and yell upstairs.

"Kate! Something's come up, I've got to go."

"But we haven't eaten yet," she calls back.

"Sorry, another time? Give Sash a kiss from me when she wakes up."

~S~


	65. Chapter 65

**65**

I run out to the car, letting the door slam behind me. Tearing out of the driveway, I head for Izzy's house.

There's no sign of her dad, so I turn and try the police station instead. The officer on the front desk tells me he's taken the day off to take Izzy and Jimmy to the airport. I get back in my car, drive back to their house and wait.

"Hi, Edward." Charlie's dressed down in an old flannel shirt and jeans as he climbs out of the police cruiser. I've been waiting for almost two hours and I don't know how I haven't lost my mind. Assuming the fact her phone went straight to voicemail and she didn't reply to my text meant she was on the flight, she's probably almost there by now. "Izzy's not here, I just dropped her and Jimmy off at the airport."

"Yeah, I heard," I tell him. She's obviously still not told him about Phil, otherwise I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have waved her off back to him. "I wondered if you know where she'll be staying? I want to fly out and surprise her."

He looks at me as though I've lost my mind.

"You do? She's only gone for the weekend." I briefly consider telling him the truth, but if it all comes tumbling out into the open now and she loses Jimmy, I know she'll never forgive me.

"She always promised to show me Phoenix and she never did, I thought this would be a good opportunity." I'm trying to appear cool when all I actually want to do is grab him by the front of his shirt and yell, '_Give me the Goddamn address!'_

"Okay, she wrote it down, give me a minute." He's still looking at me strangely as he walks away and heads into the house. I don't give a fuck whether he's convinced by my story or not, I just want to get after her and make sure she stays safe.

Charlie appears at the door waving a sheet of notepaper.

"I found it, I'll just copy the details out for you."

Running up to him, I snatch the paper from his hand, pull my phone out and snap a photograph of it, catching all the details. I thrust it back at him and turn, calling out my thanks as I get in the car and gun the engine.

Stopping by my house to throw some things in a bag and make phonecalls to reserve an airline seat and a room at the same motel Izzy's booked into, costs me another half-hour. With the drive to Seattle, two hours to wait for my flight and almost three hours in the air, I figure out I'll be around eleven hours behind her.

~S~


	66. Chapter 66

**66**

I'm halfway to Seattle when I finally receive a reply from Izzy.

What's going on?

I'm not prepared to compromise on my time or safety, so I push back the urge to reply until I've reached SeaTac, parked my car up and am on my way into the airport.

I skip the formalities when she answers the phone.

"When are you seeing Phil?"

"Edward, what's going on?"

"I'm worried about you. What the hell do you think you're doing, going anywhere near that guy?"

"It's fine. He's Jimmy's father and he has a right to see him."

"You do remember everything he did to you, right?"

Her voice drops to an angry whisper.

"I'm not likely to forget when I still have the scars from so much of it, am I?"

"Then why?"

"Because he threatens to contest the guardianship every damn time I try to say no."

I know there's no point pursuing this particular argument again right now.

"When are you seeing him?"

"Tomorrow, why?"

I huff out a relieved breath. I'm not going to be too late.

"Izzy, I'm on my way down there, you're not to go anywhere near him alone, do you understand?"

She's silent for a moment.

"Wait, you're what?"

"I'm at SeaTac, I'm due to get in to Phoenix at around nine fifteen tonight. Your dad told me where you're staying. I'll call you when I get there."

When she speaks again, her voice makes her sound just as many miles away as she is.

"Why are you doing this?"

I swallow to try and clear the lump that's formed in my throat.

"Because I'm scared shitless at the thought of something happening to you."

"You wanted space."

"I wanted time," I clarify. "And I told you I wasn't giving up."

~S~


	67. Chapter 67

**67**

_**I'm here, are you okay?**_

I'm fine. Jimmy's sleeping, I'm watching TV. Good journey?

_**Yeah, no hitches. I'm going to take a shower, can I come over after?**_

I guess. We're in Room 204.

Once I'm done in the shower, I head out to find Izzy's room.

I tap gently on the door, anxious not to disturb Jimmy. She pulls it open and slips out, wedging one of his shoes in the gap to stop the door closing behind her. She's dressed down in yoga pants and a hoodie and her hair is pulled back messily, fastened loosely at the back of her neck. It's the first time I've seen her since the night we went to the diner. I'm expecting maybe some hostility from her, frostiness at the very least, but there's none.

"Hey," she says.

"Hey."

"I can't believe you came here." She smiles, but there's a sadness behind it.

"What kind of friend would I be if I didn't?" I lean against the balcony railings, looking out across the parking lot. Izzy comes and stands next to me.

"You're the only person who knows what Phil put me through," she says, I'm guessing as a justification as to why she's here alone.

I turn my head and look at her. She looks young and vulnerable and I just want to bundle her up and protect her from the big bad world.

"I figured."

"It should be fine, I mean, he's been sober a while now. He's a different man altogether when he's not had a drink." She looks up at me. "I don't want you to think I'd ever put Jimmy in danger. That's why I got away in the first place."

"I know."

And I do. I'm fully aware that little boy means the world to her and she'd do anything for him.

Her eyes remain on me, wide and filled with emotion. I can see she's trying to speak and I wait patiently.

"I'm terrified about seeing him again," she confesses at last. I pull her to me and the dam breaks. She clings on, and I hold her tightly as she cries, the powerful yet silent sobs shaking her small body within my arms. My heart cracks a little more with each passing moment, until finally it all begins to subside, then she's calm and still.

"Are you okay?" I ask, stroking her hair gently. She nods and pulls away a little.

"I'm sorry," she says, sweeping her hands across her eyes. "I guess I've been bottling it up. I couldn't say anything to my dad and I can't do that in front of Jimmy."

"You can talk to me any time," I tell her. She raises an eyebrow and I realize that actually, that wasn't the message I gave her when I last saw her. "Shit. That was lousy timing, huh?"

"It's okay, I understand and I think you were right."

"I'm so sorry about that whole night."

She hushes me.

"Not now, hey? I don't think my head can take any more."

"Okay," I agree.

She's jumpy, I notice. Each car that stops, each door that slams, each voice she hears, she's on full alert.

"You'll never sleep tonight in that state," I say.

"What state?"

"You just about jumped a foot in the air when that guy came out of his room, you're wound so tight."

"I can't help it," she says.

"Why don't we go inside? We don't need to talk. I'll sit by the door, at least you can try and relax a little."

She looks up at me gratefully.

"Thanks," she whispers, and leads me in, locking the door behind us.

She settles down on the furthest bed, beside Jimmy and I pull a chair up right behind the door and settle in it.

It doesn't take long until her eyes begin to close and sleep claims her. The worry must have exhausted her. My eyes flit between the TV and the two sleeping forms in the bed across the room. I'm filled with a sense of responsibility to keep these two safe and I know for a fact I'll do everything I can to make sure that happens.

~S~


	68. Chapter 68

**68**

"Edward." A voice is whispering my name close to me as a hand gently shakes my shoulder. "Wake up." I open my eyes and Izzy is standing over me.

"Hey." My voice is croaky from sleep.

"It's five a.m. You should leave before Jimmy wakes up."

I stretch. At some point in the night, when I awoke in pain from sleeping hunched in the chair, I crawled onto the spare bed. I sit up groggily, my legs over the side of the bed and my feet on the floor. I bend down and retrieve my shoes from where they landed when I kicked them off, then I pull them on as Izzy drags the chair from in front of the door.

As I step out onto the balcony in the early morning light, she follows me, holding the door.

"Thanks for staying," she says quietly.

"No problem. What time do we need to leave?"

"Probably around nine forty-five. It's not too far."

"Do you want to grab breakfast together first?" I ask.

"I guess. How does eight thirty sound?"

"Sure, I'll drive, you can direct."

Back in my own room I think about climbing into my as yet unslept in bed, but my brain is up and running and I know I won't be able to fall back to sleep. Instead I make coffee, put the TV on and sit back on the bed to watch. The next few hours creep slowly by, minute by minute, until finally it's time to leave.

"I'm going to see my daddy today!" Jimmy tells me happily, bouncing on the spot as we wait for Izzy to lock the door.

"I heard," I reply, plastering a smile onto my face.

He races away along the balcony and then back toward us.

Izzy looks sick as she turns away from the door, such is the pale complexion of her skin and dark-circles beneath her eyes.

"I hope he lives up to expectations," she says.

"He'd better surpass mine," I tell her seriously. I'm trying to lock away the knowledge of what he did to her in the past, for all of our sakes.

"Are you sure about this? You don't have to come," she tells me. She looks worried as her eyes scan my face.

"I'm one hundred percent sure; it's not up for discussion."

"I'm so glad you said that," she admits as we descend the stairs. "I don't think I could do this alone now I'm here, even if it is for Jimmy."

~S~


	69. Chapter 69

**69**

Izzy picks her way through her breakfast, barely eating anything.

As soon as Jimmy is strapped into the car, I pull her to one side.

"You need to try and relax. He's going to take one look at you and think he has the upper hand. I'm not going to let him lay a finger on either of you, okay? If he even says a word out of line, we're out of there."

She nods and manages a small smile, but there's a hollowness behind her eyes that I hate.

Phil answers the door and immediately scoops Jimmy up into a huge hug, laughing and telling him how good it is to see him. I notice Izzy tense beside me and I place a hand on her back.

He looks up at us as he straightens, Jimmy in his arms.

"Hi, Izzy."

"Hi."

I'm surprised and pleased at the confidence with which she speaks. She stands tall and looks directly at him. She's giving away no signs of being frightened; the pride I feel toward her in this moment is huge.

Phil is a few inches shorter than me, but he's stocky. He looks well; his skin glows where the sun has colored it and his eyes are bright and alert. He certainly doesn't look like a man ravaged by the effects of alcohol abuse. I'm hopeful his story about being sober is true.

"This is Edward," Izzy says.

"Hi, Edward." He sticks his hand out and I reach for it. His handshake is firm but there's no pissing-contest strength behind it. I'm glad, because although I'll defend Izzy and Jimmy however I have to, I'd really rather not. They've been through enough.

Phil welcomes us in. The house is clean and tidy. Izzy told me on the way over it's never been her home, so she has no memories associated with it. I'm grateful for that, because I know that would have made this even harder than it is for her.

Phil's new wife comes out of the kitchen to greet us. She's an attractive woman and is clearly years younger than Phil. A chubby baby boy rests on her hip, babbling loudly. There are no signs that this is an unhappy home and I feel myself relax a little. Whatever demons Phil has, it seems he has them firmly shut away, for now at least.

"Thanks for bringing him," Phil says when Jimmy goes to explore the backyard.

"Yeah, well you didn't leave me much choice," Izzy shoots back. Phil's shoulders drop.

"Izzy, I have no intention of trying to take Jimmy from you. I knew you wouldn't come willingly after everything that happened. I needed to get you here somehow so you could see how I've turned things around. I just want some kind of relationship with my son. If I could change the past, sweetheart, believe me, I would. Your mother would turn in her grave if she knew what I did. I know it makes no difference to the past, but I want you to know that I am sorry."

His eyes flit to me. Izzy catches it too.

"He knows," she tells him, chin held high. "So you don't need to be so cryptic."

Phil glances warily at me and drops his eyes quickly as he nods.

"I don't expect you to forgive me, but I hope you give me the chance to try with Jimmy."

"You need to stop threatening to try and take him back." Izzy's voice is strong and steady.

He nods thoughtfully.

"I'm sorry. I guess I didn't know what else to do, you point blank refused every time I asked."

and turns, heading outside to his Jimmy.

As soon as he's gone, Izzy crumples into my arms.

"You did great, I'm really proud of you," I tell her as I rub her back, knowing without a doubt that she's one of the bravest and strongest women I know.

I love her all the more for it.

~S~


	70. Chapter 70

**70**

The morning goes well. Izzy and Phil chat a little, and even though it's clear they'll never be the best of friends, for obvious reasons, it's more relaxed that I thought they'd be able to manage before we came over today. Phil is respectful and treats her with courtesy, and that's good enough for me.

We leave before lunch, but Izzy promises to bring Jimmy back tomorrow morning, before she flies home in the afternoon.

We eat lunch together at a little diner Izzy knows, and I earn a well-natured roll of her eyes when I insist on getting Jimmy the huge chocolate ice-cream sundae he asks for that she insists he won't eat. She's right of course, but the kid was having a good day, so I figured why ruin it over a four dollar dessert?

"What are your plans for this afternoon?" I ask.

"I'd like to visit the cemetery, take some flowers for my mom," she replies. "You're welcome to tag along."

I'm not sure what the etiquette is with offers like this. Is she asking out of politeness or does she genuinely want me there?

"You're sure you don't want to be alone."

"It's fine, I'm taking Jimmy anyway. It used to be a ritual of ours when we lived here. It's the only thing I really miss about being away from Phoenix."

~S~

"Will you come over tonight when Jimmy's sleeping?" Izzy asks me as we walk back to the car at the cemetery.

"Yeah, if you want me to," I tell her. "Are you still feeling uneasy?"

She smiles.

"Not so much," she tells me. "I just prefer your company to being alone."

~S~

I'm laying back on the bed in my room with a beer, when she texts me to say Jimmy's asleep. I grab my jacket and cap, flick off the TV on my way past and head out into the rain that started falling around a half hour ago. I run across the parking lot and around another block of rooms to reach Izzy's, but the raindrops are still dripping from the peak of my cap when she opens the door and welcomes me in.

"Are you sure we won't disturb him?" I ask in a whisper, with a nod to the little boy snuggled down in the bed across the room.

"I doubt it, he's exhausted." She smiles and reaches out for my wet jacket, arranging it on the back of a chair in the corner where the drips won't hurt and putting my cap on the edge of the wash basin in the corner.

We spend a minute communicating non-verbally. She gestures to the bed, I raise my eyebrows teasingly, she gives me a withering look, but then flashes me a smile. I kick my shoes off and make myself comfortable, pulling the pillows up to lean back against, and she joins me, sitting to my right and handing me one of two beers in her hands.

We watch TV and murmur comments to one another about the stuff we watch. And then, during an ad break, she asks me something I've been wondering myself.

"What happens when we get back home?"

She's biting her lip and looking apprehensive.

"What do you want to happen?" I ask her.

"It's been nice spending time with you," she replies.

We're both doing a pretty good job of avoiding answering one another's questions so far.

"Why don't we try being twenty-two for a change?" I suggest.

She looks at me in confusion, so I try to clarify what I mean. "We spend all our time with responsibilities we're too young for, hanging over our heads. Why don't we stop taking this so seriously and just schedule in some 'twenty-two' time just for us? We don't have to involve the kids in any of it. Let's just date."

Finally she nods her head.

"That sounds kind of perfect."

~S~


	71. Chapter 71

**71**

My flight home is four hours and forty-five minutes after Izzy's, so when she leaves for the airport, I have a little time to kill.

I have a plan.

"Hi Edward. Is everything okay? Where's Izzy?" Phil cranes his neck and peers over at my car at the kerbside.

"She's left to catch her flight. I wondered if we could talk."

He shrugs.

"Sure, come on in."

He leads me through to the living room and clicks off the TV. He lowers himself into a chair and gestures for me to do the same.

"I just wanted to make sure you were serious about not threatening to try and reverse Jimmy's guardianship," I tell him, getting straight to the point.

"I'm not proud of the way I handled that," he says. "I've been desperate to see the boy. I thought Izzy would be okay once she saw I was sober, but I knew she wouldn't bring him willingly." He stares down at his hands. "I don't blame her for that, I know it's all my own doing. I still hate myself for what I did to the girl and I know I always will."

I hate him too, but I keep that particular thought to myself.

"She's been through enough," I tell him. "Your threats and demands just place pressure on her again and jeopardize the fantastic job she's doing of raising your son."

Phil nods.

"I see that now. She's a strong girl. I never thought she'd pull herself back from the car wreck she was at sixteen, seventeen. Man, she was a mess. Every time Charlie would send her home from Forks, she'd be that much wilder; harder to control. Renee tore her hair out trying to stop her destroying her life. Nothing worked, until Renee got sick."

He shakes his head and rubs his eyes, his mind back in what I can guess was the darkest of times.

"I don't know what we'd have done without her. I wasn't in any shape to take care of Jimmy. Give the girl her due, she stepped up when I fell apart. And look how I treated her for it."

"You really don't want to start talking about that in front of me, Phil," I warn him. However well he's done in turning things around, the fact remains that he used to hurt someone that I care about.

"I'm glad she has you," he says. "Fighting all the time is exhausting, it's good to have someone to lean on when you need to." His eyes find the photograph of his new family on the wall above the TV.

I stand, ready to leave, and he does too.

"No more threats," I remind him. "She might be tired, but I'd fight for her and Jimmy until I'm on my knees. I'm willing to tell Charlie everything and I know there are medical records to back it all up. Put one foot wrong, Phil, and you won't see her or Jimmy again. I'll make sure of it."

He doesn't reply and I turn and leave, slamming the door behind me, hoping he realizes I meant every last word.

~S~


	72. Chapter 72

**72**

_**We should clear the air before we start over, we have too many unresolved issues bubbling away beneath the surface.**_

_Yeah, I guess._

So here we are, sitting on opposite sides of my dining table.

"Let's go for the 'ripping off a band-aid approach'" I suggest. "Just lay everything out, point by point."

"Okay." She nods but looks as though she wants to vomit. "Isleptwithyourbrother." The words come out in a rush before I knew we were even ready to start. I stare at her in surprise and she flinches. "I know it's the biggest elephant in the room. I wanted to get it out of the way," she says with a shrug.

"I was worried about saying it in case you felt I was throwing it in your face again."

"I know you struggle with it still."

"It was how Whitlock came out with it, all 'I swear her exact words were, '_I fucked him, but he wasn't as good as his brother'.'"_

Her mouth hangs open and she looks at me in disbelief, a harsh laugh ringing out.

"He said _what_?"

I don't answer because I know she heard me perfectly well.

"I promise you, I never said any such thing. I don't even know how he knew about it. Small town gossip, I guess."

"You never said that?"

"Someone walked in on us, I never discussed it with anyone."

My heart's aching, and I have no idea if it's over discussing what happened, or the loss of my big brother.

"I want to know why. I mean, I _need_ to know. Why Emmett?"

Her eyes are glassy.

"You scared me. Everyone I got close to ended up pushing me away. You were always the only constant in my life, even my parents passed me off from one to the other when the going got tough, but you were always there. Guys always backed off as soon as I slept with them and I worried you'd do the same. Plus the fact I was already destroying you. Look at the trouble you were getting in for me! I guess I thought having sex with Emmett would be the best way of forcing you away, but I panicked afterwards about wrecking things between the two of you, that's why I never told you who it was. Turns out the fact I went and had sex with someone else was enough, it didn't even need to be your brother."

She looks down, shaking her head. It's more or less the same thing she told me in the email she sent when she left the last time. There's something more powerful about hearing it from her own lips though.

"I couldn't let you love me," she adds, raising her head to look right at me.

"I'd loved you all along, it was too late for that," I admit.

"You'd never told me until we slept together."

"Of course not, I knew you'd freak out. I guess I thought the fact you'd finally let me get close to you meant you felt the same way."

"You know the most fucked-up part about it?" she asks, smiling sadly. "I did.

~S~


	73. Chapter 73

**73**

We're both silent for a while, and then she speaks again.

"Those are all of my reasons, I can't say anything more, because that's it. It sounds ridiculous now."

"Are you still scared?" I ask, genuinely curious.

"Yeah, but I hope I'm mature enough to try and deal with it now, rather than running away. Sometimes we have to take risks, right?"

"I wouldn't be here with you if I didn't believe in taking risks, would I?" Letting her close again is the biggest risk I've taken in a long time.

"You still see me as a risk?"

"I can't help it. I've been burned too badly in the past. It's a learned response."

"I guess we both just need time to prove ourselves," she says.

"I guess so. I also like to think the reason we're both so scared is because we feel we have something to lose."

Silence again, but this time I'm the one to break it.

"Do you remember when my dad left?"

"I remember how bad I felt for you. I thought you had the perfect family, then suddenly your dad's gone, your mom's a mess and your brother is out partying twenty-four seven."

"_You_ were there. You were the only one that was. You saved me."

She smiles.

"I've never saved anyone in my life, I'm the one that pushes people to the edge."

"I wouldn't have been around to be pushed to the edge if you hadn't saved me first. I'm serious."

She looks at me, the weight of the frown that has settled as she listened to me, lifting.

"You really believe that," she says. She had no idea.

"There's no doubt in my mind. You kept me afloat, I've never forgotten that."

~S~


	74. Chapter 74

**74**

Dating's good. It's relaxed and it's fun.

It's being twenty-two again and putting aside your responsibilities for an hour or two.

It's only having yourselves to think about in a life where you usually come bottom of the list.

Movies and dinner and walks on the beach.

Picnics in the dark, kisses in the daylight.

Parking up and making out.

Putting on the brakes when it's the last thing you want to do.

Breathless apologies.

Dirty giggles.

The moans when you hit the spot.

The gasps when she does the same.

Murmured confessions that you want her naked in your bed.

Whispered promises that you can have exactly what you want.

But not until next time, because right now she's expected home.

Dating is anticipation, and it's all good.

~S~


	75. Chapter 75

**75**

"Mom, I have something I need to talk to you about."

We've just had dinner and she's sitting beside Sasha while she finishes hers. She looks up at me with concern on her face.

"Is everything okay?" she asks.

"Yeah, everything's good, but I need you to feel the same way."

"Go on."

"I've been dating Izzy."

I watch as her expression tightens and she turns to fuss over wiping Sasha's hands and face clean, even though she's still eating.

"This isn't going to go away," I tell her. "She's going to be around _more_, so it's going to be awkward for you and horrible for her if you don't at least make some kind of effort."

"Why her? I just don't understand, after everything she did."

"You know nothing about her other than the parts that reflected badly on me. You never asked; you never wanted to know."

She laughs.

"I doubt there's anything you could tell me that would change the way I feel about what she did to you."

"That girl had to raise herself from twelve years old because her mom worked all hours to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. She was never home to see who Izzy was going out with or what she was doing. Is it any wonder she made bad choices? She was just a kid."

"We all make bad choices when we're young, Edward, it's part of growing up. What we don't all do is drag others down with us."

"She wasn't all bad."

My jaw is clenching and my heart has speeded up. I know she's going to force me to go there.

"Ha! Well I didn't see much good."

"You know why that is? Because the times that she was good to me was when you were passed out from pills with your head on your desk. Who do you think cared for me when Dad had gone and Em was out and you were like a zombie? I carried you to bed every night for a year and a half, Mom. Just because you don't see something happening, it doesn't mean it isn't going on."

I turn and leave the room, leaving my words hanging. I don't regret saying them, but I'm sorry it came down to this.

I'm watching TV on the couch fifteen minutes later, when she walks in with Sasha, sets her down on the floor and clicks the TV off.

"I had no idea," she says as she sits gently next to me.

"I know."

"Why didn't you say something?" she asks.

I shrug.

"I was a teenage boy. We're emotionally stunted enough with the normal stuff, how did you expect me to raise that one?"

She nods and I think she gets it.

"You're serious about this girl?"

"She's changed so much. Her mom died and she's raised her brother from a baby. She's really turned things around."

She's quiet as she processes my words.

"I don't expect you to welcome her with open arms," I add. "But it would mean a lot to me if you'd at least give her a chance, if only so you can be in the same room and not bring an atmosphere with you."

She nods.

"I'm going to need a little time," she says.

"We've got time," I assure her.

~S~


	76. Chapter 76

**76**

"Hey."

"Hi."

She blushes and I smile as she steps inside and I close the door. Naked in my bed was what she promised. The days have been passing far too slowly for my liking.

I move closer, and with a smirk I nudge her, until she's trapped between my body and the wall. She rolls her eyes, but she smiles too.

Until my lips wipe the smile from her face.

My hands start low and work their way up; her thighs, her ass. I groan.

She breaks the kiss, gasping for air.

"I was wondering …." She cries out as I nip her neck. "If we're better just getting this out of the way."

Her mouth finds mine again.

"Great idea," I say, pushing away from her to make for the stairs. Halfway up, I hear a giggle and turn, a huge grin on my face. She's still standing at the bottom, her hands cupped over her nose and mouth as she laughs, her eyes bright and fixed on me. "Get your ass up here, now," I demand, pulling my shirt over my head and throwing it down.

Her eyes widen and she drops her hands.

"On my way," she says, racing after me. I don't wait for her, I turn and head for my bedroom, undoing my jeans on the way and pulling them off once I get through the doorway. I throw myself onto the bed and wait. She enters the room a couple of seconds behind me – in just her underwear. Her hair's ruffled and her cheeks are pink, but she's looking pretty damn pleased with herself.

I lean up on my elbows and watch as she stalks across to the bed.

"Nice striptease," she says, her lips curved upward.

"I wish I could say the same," I reply, biting my lip as my eyes roam shamelessly over her body.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were in a hurry, so I took the liberty of undressing en route too."

I hold my arms out and she falls into them, hugging me tightly as we kiss again, more slowly this time.

I remove the last of her clothes, sitting back to get a good look at her. Not only does she look beautiful, but she feels amazing too. I run my hands up her legs, pushing on the inside of her knees gently, until she understands what I want. My lips kiss their way along the path my fingers followed just moments before, until they reach their destination. Her hands find my hair and hold onto it, tugging and twisting as I make her gasp and writhe beneath my mouth and around my fingers, savouring every delicious moment until she falls apart gloriously, calling my name in a way that's never felt as satisfying.

I raise my head and crawl up her body, leaning over her glowing face and happy, hooded eyes.

"Hey," I greet her, smiling at the way her chest moves with her heavy breaths.

She smiles and stretches up to kiss me, slowly and seductively. It's enough to remind me I'm still aching for her. She reaches down and takes hold of me, forcing a loud groan from my mouth.

"I want you," I murmur, my face buried somewhere below her ear.

"I'm yours," she whispers.

I reach for the nightstand drawer, but it's frustratingly out of reach. I push myself off her and move across the bed until I manage to pull it open and find the square of foil I've been looking for. I move back and she reaches her hand out.

"Can I?" she asks. I hand it over.

"Sure."

My breath quickens as I watch her tear it open. I follow her hands with my eyes as she removes it from the wrapper and reaches toward me. She pushes me onto my back and I gasp loudly as she rolls it into place. She sits up and swings her leg across me, hovering teasingly for a moment, eyes on mine, before she lowers herself down.

My body is lost in sensation and I have no idea if it's from where she touches my skin or my heart.

We move together, naturally and instinctively, communicating without speaking.

We share touches, and sounds, looks, but no words.

The intensity grows and urgency takes over.

Only afterwards, as we cling to one another, reluctant to let the moment ebb away, do the right words find us, spoken without hesitation or second thoughts.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

~S~


	77. Chapter 77

**77**

"Are you sure this was a good idea?" Izzy asks me. We're standing on Kate's doorstep, clutching a birthday gift for her as we wait for someone to answer the door and let us in.

I wrap my arm protectively around her shoulders as Jimmy holds her hand. It's the first time I've been out with the two of them together since we were in Phoenix. Our first 'next step'.

"It's going to be fine," I say. "Safety in numbers."

Izzy's main concern, understandably, is my mom's presence.

"Hi!" Kate opens the door and lets us in. She smiles widely at Izzy and compliments the way she looks. Izzy thanks her and returns the compliment.

"Happy Birthday," I tell her, leaning in to kiss her cheek as I hand over her gift.

"Thank you! Come on through!" She beams as she turns to re-join the party and Izzy raises her eyebrows at me.

"You said Sasha would be here," Jimmy says. I smile.

"She's here somewhere," I tell him. "Let's go find her." I move forward, intending to follow Kate into the kitchen, but Jimmy spots Sasha amongst the people in the living room and veers that way. We watch him for a moment, but he's gone straight for my little girl and the pile of toys around her. He doesn't look back.

"Come on, let's get a drink," I say, placing my hand gently on Izzy's back and guiding her forward as we take a last glance back at Jimmy.

Rosalie is coming out of the kitchen as we approach the doorway. She hugs me, looking happier than she has in a long while.

"How are you doing?" I ask.

"I'm good. The court date is through for Royce's case. The cops are confident he'll do time, so I'm celebrating the beginning of the end." She raises her glass and grins. "I'll catch up with you later and give you the details," she says, moving past us.

Kate's busy in the kitchen, putting food from baking trays onto serving plates, while a tall guy with longish sandy-coloured hair, orbits around her, whispering things that make her laugh.

"Hey." I announce our presence in the room.

"Oh! Come on in here, I have introductions to make." She waves us in with a sweeping motion and the guy beside her stands up straight. "Edward, Izzy, this is Garrett. Garrett, this is Sasha's dad, Edward and his girlfriend Izzy."

Garrett steps forward and shakes my hand and then Izzy's. He smiles as he does, and has the gift of making you feel instantly comfortable. I see now where Kate's change in demeanour has come from since she's been seeing him.

"It's good to meet you at last," I tell him. And it is, because I've had a feeling he could be around for a long time, which means at some point he's going to be living under the same roof as my daughter. I'd be lying if I said the thought of another man taking on that role didn't bother me, but I'll be able to at least get some peace, if I'm convinced whoever it is, is a good guy.

Garrett launches into an easy conversation with me while he gets us all a drink, and Izzy steps forward and offers to help Kate with the food.

And then my mother comes through the door, speaking before she even gets to us, as usual.

"Have you seen that sweet little guy playing with Sasha through there?" She stops short as she sees us.

"Hi, Mom," I say, stepping forward and giving her a hug and a kiss.

"Hi, honey, how are you?" she asks.

"I'm good." I step back. "You remember Izzy?"

Of course she does, she's all I've talked about with my mom for the last few weeks, breaking everything down for her until she feels she can cope with the knowledge she's back in my life in a big way.

Izzy turns from the food and wipes her hands on a cloth, before extending one out to my mother.

"Hi, Mrs Cullen. That shade of blue really suits you."

My mom smiles. It's wavering and unsure, but it's a smile, and as she takes Izzy's hand she thanks her. I let the breath I was holding go, and my shoulders relax a little. Putting my arm around Izzy, I hug her into my side. My mom looks away, but the smile remains on her lips.

Maybe this can be alright after all.

~S~


	78. Chapter 78

**78**

"Who knew perfect could be so simple?" Izzy sighs as she lies back on the picnic rug, the autumn sun gently warming us. She places her head on my thigh and I reach down to stroke my fingers through her hair, keeping my eyes on Jimmy and Sasha playing with a ball on the grass in front of us.

"Hmm, feels like there's a lot of perfect in my life right now."

She looks up at me and smiles. "Yep, there's another piece," I say, leaning down and kissing her lips softly.

"You're getting soppy in your old age," she teases.

"Hey! Who are you calling old?" I demand, unable to stop a smile forcing its way out of my offended pretense. "Besides, I was always like this, I've just never had an outlet for it before."

"Aside from your princess," she says, gesturing towards Sasha. I grin.

"Well obviously."

Izzy teases me just as hard as Kate always has done over my infatuation with my baby girl.

"I feel so bad for that girl when she wants to start dating," she says.

I laugh.

"Don't be ridiculous."

She raises an eyebrow at me.

"You're not going to be an over-protective nightmare?" she asks.

"No, don't be ridiculous, as in she's not going to date. Ever."

Izzy snorts.

"Yeah, right! Good luck with that!"

"Hey, they'll have to get past Jimmy too. I'm telling you, it's never going to happen."

She turns her head to watch the two children playing, smiles and sighs happily.

"Yeah, he kind of adores her. She's obviously got some pretty wicked male-targeted voo-doo skills. I really don't think you're going to stand much of a chance with the whole dating thing."

"Okay, can we drop it now? You're scaring me."

"You're scared because you know how teenage boys think," she challenges with a smirk.

"No, I'm scared because I know just how bad teenage girls can be." I cock an eyebrow at her. Where once she'd have taken it as a jibe, she narrows her eyes at me in faux anger, unable to stop one side of her mouth curling up into a smile as she tries to fight the mirth. We've been practicing de-sensitizing ourselves to our past, and slowly but surely, it's working.

I grin.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

I'm leaning in to kiss her when two small bodies crash into us and we fall into a giggling mass.

"And I love you, and I love you," I tell Sasha and Jimmy, grabbing them both and planting big sloppy kisses on each of their faces. They both squeal as Izzy sits up and we hug around them, trapping them between our bodies.

We're happy in our time being twenty-two and carefree, but we're infinitely happier when we're being twenty-two and sitting comfortably in the roles we've carved for ourselves.

Parent, guardian, care-giver, nurturer, protector.

Boyfriend, girlfriend, lover.

Soul-mates.

Family.

**~ The End ~**

**A/N ~ So we reached the end *tear*. I started writing this story having not been able to get a single word down for seven months, despite my best efforts. This was always intended as a vessel for getting myself writing again, and in that sense it's been a huge success for me personally. I'm aware some people feel there are things that remain unexplained, but the motives for everything included in the story are all in here if you look.  
**

**To all those who have lasted until the end, enjoyed the story, talked to me about it on FB, reviewed it, pimped it out, thank you! I love you all 3  
**

**Special thanks to SparrowNotes24 and Chocaholic123 for their support, encouragement and reining in of some of my more controversial ideas ;)**

**There is an outtake on here, listed as a separate story (She Outtakes) under my other stories. The second part to the chapter already posted up, will follow soon.  
**

**xxx**


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